Beauty Queen of Only Eighteen
by TASHAx
Summary: Lily Evans is a beautiful teenage girl who is slowly crumbling on the inside thanks to her Fiancé. Can James save her? Can he see through her fake smiles? Or will he ignore her ever present tears...
1. She Will Be Loved

After fruitlessly attempting to drift back into slumber Lily Evans - the woman everyone expected to soon take the name of Lily Bagnold - pushed the plush duvet off of her creamy legs and placed her feet delicately into the slippers that waited beside bed. Haphazardly she made her way into the bathroom. Leaning over the porcelain tub her long, lithe fingers turned the taps on, allowing hot, steamy water to cascade like a waterfall into the bath.

While waiting for her bath to fill Lily turned her attention to the mirror which faced her. Taking the brush, which always lay faithfully upon the window sill, she began to neaten her hair; Lily's hair was beautiful. It was dark red, like the centre of a deep crimson rose, and was so silky soft it felt like moisturized skin. Placing the brush back in its rightful place, her emerald gaze lingered over the reflection of her face.

She was eighteen years of age and already had the beauty and maturity of a young woman. Her eyes were almond shaped and sparkled a most ravishing shade of green, while her complexion was light and creamy but on the bridge of her nose a few well placed freckles lay, adding to her allure.

She smiled at her image - a horrible fake smile, showing all of her perfectly straight, white teeth - a solitary tear leaked from the corner of her eye and ran its way down her left cheek.

_Why did she hate herself so much? She was pretty and smart...no that was wrong...she wasn't smart, Andrew told her frequently of how he had a superior intellect due to the fact he was the Minister for Magic's son...and obviously Lily was not that attractive, I mean how many times had her future fiancée reminded her that he could have had any girl? And that the only reason he remained with Lily was because she needed him and would be unable to find another man to take her... _

Squinting back the water that had about to freely leave her eyes, Lily stopped the taps running and removed her night wear. Pulling off her top she revealed the long scar which ran along her abdomen...it was the memento of the first argument she had, had with Andrew, he had gotten so mad at her for talking to an old friend that the moment they were out of the public's watchful eye he had turned on her...she winced at the recollection of how her scar had originated...

_  
Andrew and Lily had been walking through Diagon Alley, reporters and photographers were surrounding them - they all wanted to know who the young witch was that had managed to catch the attention of the Minister for Magic's eldest son. Lily still blushed at the thought of being splattered all over the wizarding world but it would be the price she paid for her relationship with Mister Bagnold. _

_  
He held her hand tightly, which she suspected was due to the fact he had such deep feelings for her. However her eyes lit up when she saw her companion from Hogwarts - Hestia Jones and she waved her free arm. Once Andrew noticed his girlfriend was waving frantically at someone, that was not him, he squeezed her petite hand harder, causing her bones to cross. She winced and turned away from her friend. _

That should have been the first sign, reminisced Lily, they had been going out a month and already he was becoming possessive.

_  
After they had finally lost the reporters Andrew ruffled his sandy coloured hair and led her into a small cafe. He sat her down at a table in the corner of the room then left to go and order their lunch - he hadn't even asked her what she would like. _

_  
The door opened again and in walked three men. One had un-tameable black hair, the other was very pale with sparkling blue eyes and the third had long black hair and grey orbs reflecting mischief. They spotted Lily and all three of them grinned and rushed over to her. _

_  
"Lily!" the raven-haired man yelled. She glanced up at the new comers and her red, pouting lips curved into a smile - her first genuine smile since she'd left Hogwarts a month before. _

_  
"James!" she squealed and rushed up to him, he enveloped her in a warm embrace, then realizing people were watching them she broke away and turned her attention to the paling man"Remus, good to see you." He nodded soberly and grinned at the vivacious redhead in front of him. Then Lily pushed the two out the way so she could see the long haired male, _

_"Sirius Black!" _

_  
He grinned cheekily "Lily, Lily Lilykins!" _

_  
She shook her head at his nickname for her "You will never change" _

_  
"Hey!" the three men yelled. _

_  
"...I never said it was a bad thing, y'know." _

_  
"Aw, she loves us really!" _

_  
James smiled sadly. He and Lily had been dating in their seventh year but she had broken it off with him just before graduation, saying she didn't want to tie him or herself down outside of school; James was still grieving for his loss, but his bravado covered his true feelings. _

_  
"Ahem" _

_  
A voice behind them made the group turn around. They came face to face with a very nettled looking Andrew. _

_  
"Andy, Sweetie, this is Remus Lupin - my old Arithmancy partner, Sirius Black - the guy who copied my Divination notes and James Potter - my ex buh-boyfriend. They are my friends from Hogwarts; they used to name themselves' The Marauders" _

_  
Andrew snorted and the Marauders, who'd met the man with smiling expressions, now glared at the angry wizard in front of them. _

_  
"That's very nice, Lillian, but remember my name is Andrew not Andy. I do not like my name shortened." _

_  
James glanced at his friends, they were going to have some fun. _

_  
Sirius was the first to speak "Well Andy, Lilykins, we're gonna be joining you seeing as all the other tables are gone!" _

_  
Andrews face stiffened as the three Marauders conjured chairs and joined them at the table, Remus rose "I'm going to get us something to eat. What do you two want?" He asked Sirius and James. _

_  
"Ooh I'll have tomato soup," grinned Sirius. _

_  
"I'll just have a slice of chocolate cake, thanks Moony." _

_  
Remus nodded and left the table. _

_  
"So, Andy, what do you do for a living?" asked Sirius. _

_  
Andrew looked scandalized"Excuse me? But do you not know who I am?" _

_  
"Andrew?" threw in James as a guess. _

_  
Sirius chortled and Lily giggled slightly but ceased at the gaze she received from her boyfriend. _

_  
"He's the Minister Bagnold's son, Sirius." cut in Lily her emerald orbs staring at her to friends. _

_  
"Oh, cool," said Sirius._

_  
Andrew smirked"And what do you do? I mean, surely you. like Lillian, have only just left school." _

_  
James grinned at Lily's full name. _

_  
"Auror training" answered Sirius innocently. _

_  
Lily's eyes widened"Oh I'd love to be an Auror." _

_  
Sirius smiled"Well the training starts in two weeks, if you send an application like now you might get in!" _

_  
Lily thought however Andrew spoke for her"No, Lillian, we have spoken about this, an Auror is a dangerous occupation, and it is not for women such as you. Besides you don't need to work if you have me." _

_  
James frowned but did not speak, it was no longer his place to defend Lily, so to lighten the mood he told them about his job offer"Well I'm going to play for the Chudley Cannons!" _

_  
Lily smiled her dazzling smile, showing her perfect teeth"Wow James that's amazing, are you still playing Chaser!" _

_  
James grinned at seeing his ex-girlfriend's face light up"You bet, Tiger!" _

_  
Not liking the interaction that was happening between Lily and James, Andrew spoke up "We'll have to come see you play someday." He knew secretly that would never permit Lily to see a Quidditch match with James Potter playing. _

_  
"Ah, yeah that'd be boss! You can see my new improved skills." _

_  
"I'm sure Lily remembers your broomstick skills, James" grinned Sirius wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Lily blushed while James smirked at the obvious obliviousness of Andrew. _

_  
However a confrontation was avoided as Remus sat down and smiled warmly - completely unaware of the fact the tension on the table was as thick as a concussed troll. _

_  
No one spoke, and Lily was desperately attempting to stop herself laughing, she was working so hard to hold it in that her complexion had turned the colour of strawberries and cream. James noticed and had to avert his hazel stare to the wall as surely he would begin to chortle if he caught her eye. _

_  
"Here you go m'dears." A grey-haired witch placed two bowls of meat stew in front of Lily and Andrew then proceeded to serve up the Marauders food. Lily bent down and sniffed into the bowl. _

_  
"Is this meat, Andrew?" she questioned. _

_  
"Yes, Emerald, it is." he answered and began to eat his stew. _

_  
"Well Andrew, Sweetie, we've been through this. I'm a vegetarian." _

_  
"Yes, but Lillian it isn't healthy not to eat meat." _

_  
"Actually it's healthier being a vegetarian, that way your arteries don't become clogged with fat!" _

_  
James looked up from his cake. Who was this guy to dictate what she ate?   
Lily pushed bowl away and crossed her arms over her chest. Everyone at the table looked at her. _

_  
"Lillian, don't waste the food." _

_  
"I don't eat something that was once breathing." _

_  
"Look, Lillian, they went through all that trouble and I went through the process of carefully selecting that stew so you will eat it." _

_  
"No, I will not." Everyone at the table beside Andrew seemed to know that Lily's infamous redhead temper was flaring. _

_  
"Don't be a child Lillian." he chided. _

_  
"I am not being a child; I am merely expressing a dislike to the slaughter of animals!" _

_  
"Well it is going to get eaten and as you are the only one here without a meal it looks like you're the one that will eat it!" _

_  
Lily's eyes flashed with anger and her back had become stiff, the Marauders were watching the lovers argument with great interest, James however would not stay silent much longer. _

_  
"Well, Lils, you still like Chocolate cake, right?" asked James, she looked up from her feet to James who was smiling warmly. _

_  
"You know it, Potter!" she grinned, the terms 'Potter' and 'Evans' had become more a thing of endearment rather than anger. He leant over the table and swooped his hands around the bowl, placed it in his space and replaced her stew with his half eaten cake, she smiled. _

_  
"Thanks, James". Andrew scowled. _

_  
Lily had taken two bites out of her cake when Andrew threw his spoon down into his now empty bowl. "Well I'm sorry to say gentlemen that we must take our leave." He placed his large hand around the top of Lily's minuscule arm "Come along, dear." _

_  
Lily looked like she was about to protest but his grip had become so tight that tears were forming in her beautiful eyes "Bye guys." she mumbled as he half-dragged her from the cafe. _

_  
Lily had not seen James since or Sirius or Remus for that matter, in-fact Lily no longer saw anyone from Hogwarts. How many times had she wished that she had told James she still loved him in that cafe? How many times had she wished she had never met her dominating boyfriend...? _

_  
Once they reached their room in a wizarding hotel named 'The Sleeping Hippogriff' Andrew turned on her. _

_  
"What in the name of Godric did you think you were doing, Lily?" his grey eyes were no longer emotionless but filled with anger and hatred, Lily also noticed had refrained from calling her by her full name in private. _

_  
She remained silent; she had only been dating him three weeks and had never seen him in a rage. _

_  
"Hello, Lily, answer me!" he thought for a second then maliciously added "maybe if I called you Lilykins you'd pay attention" _

_  
Her emeralds eyes snapped up to his face at the mention of her nickname. "Ah, c'mon you're not jealous are you?" she teased. _

_  
"Jealous? Are you really that dense Lily? Why on earth would I be jealous? I just do not want the public to see I am dating some tart who flirts with three other men during a pleasant lunch with their boyfriend!" _

_  
"I was not flirting! And for your information The Marauders and I have been friends for seven years!" _

_  
"Slightly more than friends by the looks of it!" he spat. _

_  
Her pale hand flew to her hair where she wrenched the bobble out of her red tresses allowing her locks to flow freely around her shoulders. "Why does that even matter, Andrew?" _

_  
"Why - why does it even matter?" he was choking on his own anger now. _

_  
"Oh, well done, you have the verbal skills of a parrot!" she mocked him. _

_"Why, you little slut!" _

_It had happened so quickly, he had pushed her down forcefully...tears filled her emerald pools at the thought of that day. _

_  
His hands were pushing into her shoulders violating her pale skin with large purple bruises, he had shoved her to the ground. _

_  
"Not to mention that you obviously slept with Potter...and here's me thinking you were a virgin...slapper!" _

_  
His foot, encased in a dragon hide boot, found her body and he kicked her brutally, her skin was turning black, her cheeks were red and tear stained. Once kicking her was not enough he raised his wand and muttered a curse under his breath. Pain seared across her abdomen and crimson stains were leaking through her white shirt. _

_Andrew watched as his girlfriend cowered, her red locks were matted with tears and were beginning to look limp as she had ran her bloody hands through it so many times. After five minutes of watching her whimper he reached out to take her hand, she cringed and shrunk further into a little ball, seeing she was not going to come easily he placed his hand around her arm - she shuddered - and pulled her up. _

_  
She seemed incapable of doing anything, anything accept standing or sitting and staring at the wall. He peeled off her clothes and dunked her in the empty bath, turning on the taps he allowed the water to wash away the blood and tears. She was just blinking her eyes were full of fear and pain. _

_  
When only bruises were the things marking her body he pulled her out the bath, at his touch she began to shake violently, but, she would not allow herself to weep again. No. She would show him how strong she could be. _

Wiping away the water that streaked her face Lily turned off the taps and continued to undress. That memory had been her first beating but it had not been the last, Lily had stayed with Andrew, he'd apologized for his behaviour and told Lily that it was her fault. Her fault that she was now scarred, if she hadn't have flirted he wouldn't have had to punish her.

She finished undressing and stepped into the water; it was hot, too hot. But Lily did not care, in-fact she had meant for the water to scold her; this pain was the only type she had control of and on that thought her eyes swept over the little scars which littered the soles of her feet. As she stared at the silvery lines she smiled, she felt proud, they were her own doing, they were something she could say belonged to herself.

After lying in the water thinking about the times she had, had at Hogwarts with her friends she wished she could James, Sirius or Remus again...heck she'd even take Peter right about now, just to prove to her that Hogwarts had not been some fantasy she had cooked up in order to escape her excuse for an existence. At eighteen, Lily she not be having these feelings...at eighteen she should have been at parties with friends getting drunk, or training to be an Auror.

Pulling herself out of the water Lily wrapped her fluffy towel around her body and began to dry herself. Once her skin no longer held hostage to water droplets she gazed into her wardrobe...her clothes were all black or grey or white, Andrew now picked what she wore and would not allow her to dress as most teenagers did on the seventies era they were living in. After choosing a pair of straight legged trousers - black - and a long sleeved white shirt.

Lily pulled her hair up into a strict bun then allowed herself to look at her reflection. She closed her eyes, thinking she looked forty not eighteen. Sitting down at her vanity table her hand enclosed around a tub of creamy foundation, she layer it on her skin, masking her freckles and imperfects, then she applied a layer of crimson lipstick accompanied by a thick streak of brown eyeliner.

Perfect. She looked perfect. Like a doll, a little doll with no mind of her own, a little doll with porcelain cheeks that had been made by a machine allowing to bumps or scratches and certainly not allowing her any imperfections. As the face in the mirror gazed back at her a tear rolled its solitary way down her cheek.

Lily truly did not recognize the mirror image, in her head she was still that lively teen who allowed her fiery hair to flow around her shoulders, who had a twinkle in her emerald eyes, wore rainbow coloured tops and hip hugging jeans which were torn at the knees. Yes, that was Lily Evans...the woman in the mirror was a stranger, dead and unloved.

A voice penetrated her thoughts, it was deep and sent tingles of fear up her spine.

"Lily? Are you up here"

Inhaling deeply she plastered her best smiled upon her lips"Andrew, sweetie! How are you"

He smiled as his girlfriend peeked her head out the bedroom. "I'm fine Lillian." he answered curtly"now I must say that I cannot stay long, but I have come to drop off some money and tell you that you are joining me for dinner at Les Fee." He handed her a bag of gold "Now get a nice, smart dress and join me at seven o'clock exactly, I have to tell you something."

With that he kissed her emotionlessly on her cheek, dropped his copy of the Daily Prophet and disapperated with a whip crack.

Lily lazily allowed her eyes to wash over the paper and to her shock she saw a giant picture of James, Sirius, Remus and Peter, above the headline were the words:

**Answer To the Cannons Prayers! **

_James Potter, can be seen above with his best friends, was celebrating last night due to the fact he has finally been taken off the bench and put into the game - and well, none could be disappointed by his skill... _

The rest of the article was lost on Lily as hearing a play by play commentary of Quidditch was not of her liking, but seeing this made her smile...knowing James had achieved his goal made her so happy that not even the thought of spending the evening with Andrew could dampen her spirits. Picking up her money bag she tipped its contents into her purse, then apperated to Diagon Alley.

Her eyes roved around - she was looking for a dress shop, she knew that there was one around here somewhere. However her attention was grabbed when she heard the voices of two men in front of her.

"James, man, what was wrong with Tara? She was gorgeous, had beautiful red hair, blues eyes..."

"That was the problem" interrupted James.

"What" gaped Sirius"The fact she had blue eyes was a problem"

"Yeah, they weren't...green."

Sirius gazed at his friend "Green? I can't believe it...you're not gonna find another Lily Evans"

"I know..." muttered James"I can't help it, Pad...I love her...I always have done."

Lily smiled, water was once again filling her eyes, and she reached up and tapped his shoulder.

"Lily? Is that you"

She nodded.

"You look so different..." he looked at her, her clothes were conservative, boring and her eyes no longer glittered. She hung her head.

"Andrew prefers me like this."

James felt anger swell up in his throat. "You're still with that son of a Bludger then"

She nodded again and tears rolled down her face. "Please, James don't say such things about him!"

"Oh Lilykins, don't cry" Sirius lifted his hand to wipe away her waters of sorrow when she flinched.

"Oh, I'm sorry I know how crying in public embarrasses others..."

Sirius and James looked shocked to hear her say such a statement...but before they could question her she had disappeared with a quiet 'goodbye'. They both stood there, mouths open, neither understanding.

"Do you think that maybe she's being…y'know"

Sirius looked at him blankly.

"…abused."

Sirius cocked an eyebrow, "Come one, mate…"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you do have a playing the hero thing going on…and well, I think you want Lily to be unhappy in her relationship…so perhaps you two could get together…"

"But, you saw her…"

"Don't be thick, James, this is Lily -I'll rip your balls off if you mess with me- Evans"

"Yeah but, Pad, you saw how different she looked...we gotta find her"

"No, James." growled Sirius, "lets just go meet Remus and Peter…come on!"

They both apperated out of Diagon Alley, each knowing something was wrong with Lily; Sirius was not going to allow James to make his heart bleed again - the wound of Lily had sunk deeply and it had taken so long before James had been even willing to try with love again.

0x-

**Author's Note: **Ok, so this was up here before then got all deleted and stuff. Anyhoo I have done my sulking and now am returning to the world of fan fiction - I was in such a mood I couldn't bring myself to write anything fan fiction related but now as the saying goes 'The bitch is back'. I hope my wonderful readers return to me cause it was you guys that made me post this again. And I'm afraid I am no longer putting lyrics in my story as I will get told off if I do so.

**Disclaimer: ** I own nothing, and am making no profit from this fan fiction - don't sue me.

Tasha xxx


	2. Tangled

**Chapter Two.**

0x-

Lily's gaze sauntered over the vibrantly coloured dresses which she passed on her way to the changing room, to the black gowns that were slung over her arm. Everything else seemed so beautiful; lively. This was how Lily's life had been the past year, bright, interesting people would pass her by and barely acknowledge the existence of an isolated teenage witch - she was a shadow on the wall, a shimmer in the pond...always there but never appreciated.

As she reached the changing rooms she pulled back the thick, velvet curtains and stepped inside the small cubicle. Firstly she yanked off her clothes and slipped into a black dress, it had three quarter length sleeves and the hem fell a few inches above her ankles. Lily grimaced, _no, Andrew would not like this_. The next item she withdrew from the pile was a charcoal grey colour, made from fine, gossamer material and decorated with silver webs. She tugged it over her head and peered at the reflection in the mirror, the sleeves draped over petite hands but it finished at least four inches above her knees, allowing her shapely legs to be fully revealed. _Definitely not, Andrew would go spare...besides she wasn't pretty enough to wear this...was she?_

Thirty minutes later, Lily held up the last dress; it was pure white with a thin black line just under the bust and was made from pure silk. She slipped into the gown. The white forced her pale completion to completely wash out, emphasised her ruby tresses not that they'd be noticed as her hair would, as always, be tied into a tight bun at the nape of her neck. Looking at her image she crinkled her straight nose up in distaste.

_It was the morning of Petunia and Vernon's wedding. Lily had been chosen to be a bridesmaid reluctantly by her sister, Petunia had been forced to involve Lily by their parents. The bridesmaid dresses were snow white, Petunia had chosen the colour simply to spite her sister, knowing it would wash out her English rose beauty. Petunia had also decided that the bridesmaids hair would be covered in awful lacy veils. Everything about Lily had been diminished that day; her entrancing red hair had been shrouded in white lace, her milky skin had been mixed with an off white dress and her mother had refused to allow Lily to speak her mind as she, in the words of her mother, 'was bound to upset someone!'. That day Lily was miserable._

Since that day Lily Evans had swore to herself that she would never compromise her happiness, but that promise, along with her soul, was breaking; she was in a relationship full of late night beatings and snide comments. She wanted out so much, and yet every time she attempted to leave he would beat her and when they had finished with the cursing and the violence he would shout insults and curse words at her as she lay bloody and broken. But that was not the worst part, two hours later, after Lily had crawled to the bathroom, healed most of her cuts and unstuck the sweat and blood from her hair he would approach her, speaking in a hoarse, innocent tone and tell her that it was her fault: That if she were not so ugly or disobedient then it would not happen to her.

Lily blinked back yet more tears and sighed. Yet, she could be thankful for one thing; right at the beginning of their relationship Lily had told Andrew that she was saving herself, preserving her virginity for the one she truly loved and Andrew had not taken that away from her, he had not taken her virginity. Though he constantly called her a 'slut' and had, numerous times after the one meeting the Marauders, accused her of sleeping with James or even Sirius. In fact, he barely showed real passion towards Lily unless it was fuelled by hatred.

Hanging the dress limply over her arm Lily made her way to the counter. A cheery, brunette witch grinned merrily at her, then allowed her grey eyes to wash over the dress, then Lily's appearance.

"So, Hun, who's the dress for?"

Lily looked taken aback. _Who else would the dress be for?_

"Me." she spoke softly, almost a whisper.

The witch, who, according to her name badge, was called Enid, raised a dark eyebrow.

"What?" asked Lily, not liking the look that Enid was shooting her.

"Well, no offence, sweetie, but, you have terrible taste!"

Lily was shocked, "I…erm, I'm sorry…but aren't you supposed to encourage people to buy things?"

"Well, yes," replied the sales witch apologetically, "but I think you have misunderstood me, this dress is very beautiful but it doesn't bring out your best features."

"Huh?" asked Lily, blinking blankly.

"You have picked a snow white dress and your skin is so pale it'll wash you out…you need to be wearing red or…wow, your eyes are divine…Sweetie a lovely emerald green dress, it would match your eyes fantastically!"

Lily was, to say the least, very taken back. Enid had produced a glittering green gown.

"No, I'm sorry but there is no way I am pretty enough to wear that ensemble."

Enid gaped, "Are you joking with me, Missy?" Lily shook her head furiously, "You are gorgeous…best I've seen in here for a while."

The redhead blushed._ Of course she's lying…I mean I can't be…gorgeous…_

The brunette placed the green dress delicately over Lily's out stretched arms. "Trust me, you will look amazing, go try it on…hang on…don't I know you from somewhere?"

Lily shook her head, "No, I'm a n-nobody." And with that Lily returned to the changing rooms, her arms filled with emerald fabric.

Lily slipped the dress over her head and gasped at her reflection; it was a halter neck dress, made of silk, emerald silk, the bodice clung to her curves tightly, snugly, allowing Lily, for the first time in a long while, feel she was a beautiful woman. The skirt flowed, like liquid down her long, gracious legs, it was made of three layers, one of black silk, then above that a layering of green silk, which appeared to shimmer and glisten even in the strained light, then around the skirt, loosely attached, was a piece of netting, the netting had been swirled around the bell of the skirt.

Feeling daring, and more herself, Lily wrenched the bobble from her hair and careless shook her head from side to side, allowing her crimson locks to fall, with grace and beauty, around her shoulders, framing her angelic face.

She nervously, like a doe taking her first steps, pulled back the curtain and was met with the face of Enid.

"Oh, dear you look too gorgeous!"

Shakily Lily's lips formed into a smile, a genuine smile, she had not felt her eyes sparkle in a long time.

0x-

Lily entered the house, her arms laden with many bags and boxes. Setting them down in the hall Lily started, Andrew stood in the doorway from the kitchen, observing his flushed girlfriend.

"You have been gone a long time, Lillian." noted the Minister's son wryly.

Catching her breath Lily felt the happiness which had, not only two minutes ago, been etched all over her pink tinge face, ebb away. "Sorry, Andrew, I wanted to make sure I looked…perfect for this evening."

He accepted her excuse and nodded curtly.

"Well, go on. Go get ready."

Lily bowed her head and made her sorrowful up to her bedroom.

0x-

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter all sat in James' new apartment on a dark blue, leather corner sofa. Each had been supplied with a bottle of Muggle beer.

"She…looked different…" mused James, Lily Evans had taken up most their evenings conversation.

"Well, it has been a year James…she might have wanted to change."

"No, Moony," interjected Sirius, "there is no way you go from carefree, sassy Lily Evans to quiet, meek and mild Lillian in a year…well not by choice anyway."

"Look, James, Sirius, she might have been in her work clothes and as for the crying, well, you know how women are with their PMS."

They all turned towards peter and grinned, "Yeah, 'spose you're right, Pete…you never know…"

James carried on with his happy façade…_but then, why did she disparate?_

0x-

Lily felt herself smiling nervously as she descended the staircase. Andrew was waiting at the bottom for her, dressed in a black and white tuxedo. His face contorted when he saw the beautiful image of his young girlfriend coming towards him.

"What - are - you - wearing?" he snarled.

Suddenly any confidence or glamour Lily had been feeling disappeared. She felt her stunning features shrivel in fear.

"M-my dress."

He was stomping towards her, fire burning in his livid eyes. "You, Lillian Evans are going to learn one day you are not good enough to wear such pretty colours! Haven't I told you that only black, white and grey are for you?"

She felt paralysed with fear. Tears were seeping out of her emerald green eyes. Lily felt his hand wrench onto her arm, felt the pull, but he was to forceful and her limp frame fell, yet Andrew would not help her up. No. He dragged her into the bedroom and threw her thwarting body onto the bed. Then, with his large, aggressive, hands bean to rip the material from her.

Lily jammed her eyes shut. Her mind searched and fled for something happy, something beautiful. James, Sirius, Remus, Peter…Hogwarts. But even with her vision blocked Lily could hear and feel what was happening to her. A blow to the stomach, then she felt the bodice ripped off from around her, then she heard him begin to tear the skirt and shred it to pieces. He laughed as she opened her eyes. Now lying on her bed, fabric littering the floor and duvet around her. Her cheeks were tear stained and deathly white.

"Now, _my _woman, put this on." he threw down another dress and left the room. Leaving the eighteen year old beauty to falter and collapse into fear and disappointment.

For the second time that evening Lily descended the stairs. She was now clad in a black dress; it fell to her ankles and sported a slit which allowed everyone a view of her calf, however, Andrew had supplied her with opaque, black, tights so no one would be able to see her milky white flesh. The bodice covered all of her torso and had a boat shaped neck, exposing half her shoulders and her delicate collar bone. Her arms were bare and the pale skin made such a contrast to the ebony dress that her usually beautiful complexion seemed striking, shocking and misplaced.

0x-

Andrew nodded as she reached the door. He held his arm out for her to take and smiled, a charming smile, which had once fooled Lily…now it was a leer…something to be afraid of. Lily slipped her pale, trembling hand into his arm and with a sound like a whip crack both disappeared and then found themselves just at the entrance of the newest Wizarding restaurant in Hogsmede; _Les Fee_.

Instantly cameras began to click and flash, the papers were all dying to get a photo of Andrew with his almost twelve month steady girlfriend. Lily, slowly cracked her face into a fake grin, her eyes filling with imitated sparkle, Andrew grinned charmingly, showing everyone of his straight, narrow teeth. He lived for publicity. No way was this man going to be ever found as Minister for Magic but he did make it his job to stick his slightly crooked nose into everything, including the fame which the Minister himself endured.

"Mister Bagnold, Mister Bagnold! Are you happy to be here!"

"Bagnold, she's a pretty lady, bit young though don't ya think?"

Many questions and comments from the press were drown out as Andrew forcefully led Lily into the glamorous building. The carpets were crimson with gold swirls, the mirrors - which were every wall - were framed ornately with gold, and each table was covered in a deep red cloth; Luxury. Gryffindor luxury. _Whoever owned this restaurant was definitely a true Gryffindor_, mused Lily.

0x-

After an hour had passed and Lily had agreed with Andrew on every point the made, he cleared his throat and delved his guilty hands into his pocket and pulled out a small, purple box. His eyes glinted at Lily, with excitement…or malevolence? Lily looked nervously into his eyes.

He continued to leer then snapped, "Well, open it, Lillian." his voice was dangerously commanding and Lily felt she had to obey. Slowly she creaked open the lid and her emerald gaze fell upon the glint coming off a huge diamond. She gasped, her breath harboured in her throat. "Lillian, in exactly five minutes I will ask you to marry me. And I trust you not to get teary eyed but merely accept my proposal. OK?"

Lily nodded. She didn't want to marry Andrew, but she couldn't just leave him, he would beat her again, she would make him angry again. And even if she did leave him, where would she go? She had no money of her own and no property. Not to mention the fact her parents were dead, her sister hated her and her…friends had not seen her in months. She would have to accept. To be with Andrew would be an honour. It would have routine and she would be provided for.

"So, Miss Lillian Evans," said Andrew so loudly that half the tables around them turned to look at the minister's son and his girlfriend, "will you do me the honour of becoming, _Mrs Andrew Bagnold_?"

Lily gulped, the bystanders had ceased eating and he press were silent as the grave. "O-of course." she uttered. The room filled with romantic sighs and a chorus of 'aw'.

That night Lily fell asleep reminding herself, _'it was an **honour** to be with him…'_

0x-

Next morning James Potter stumbled out of his bedroom, his hair looking wilder than ever, clad in only a baggy pair of crimson pyjama trousers. Scratching the back of his neck he searched for a couple of knuts, after finding the three bronze coins he dropped them into the pouch the Prophet owl had around its leg, with a hoot it exited the kitchen by the open window.

After supplying himself with a carton of orange juice he took a seat at the table and unfolded the paper, _would he make the font page again? Last night he had played very well…_

However, he did not come face to face with a miniature of himself but a couple. The women had deep red hair and a beautiful face, while the man dazzled an over nice smile all over his good looking face, spitting out the juice he made a kind of noise half way between a yelp and a whoop; Lily. Obviously she wasn't any kind of victim. She had her hand weaved into the Minister's son's arm and she was smiling, a little falsely but what else can be expected when you're in front of the cameras?

The headline made him spit his juice all over the paper, which now soggily read the words;

**JUNIOR BAGNOLD'S BRIDE!**

This bought a whole new set of emotions to James. He had almost hoped Lily was discontent in her relationship, that way James could have come to the rescue and Lily would love him again. But also he felt a huge swell of relief that his Lily was not being abused. But the depression that Lily would probably never be his out weighed his disappointment and he felt a dark shadow fall over him.

0x-

Sirius apperated into James' apartment and found his friend looking dishevelled, he was hunched over a leather bound book and his eyes were gazing intently.

"Er, Prongs, mate…what's wrong?"

"Lily's getting married to that Hippogriff's hoof Bagnold."

Comprehension befell Sirius and he patted his friend's arm in a brotherly fashion, secretly praising the fact Lily was getting married, James could now have closure and start looking for a women again without her having to live up the standards of Lily.

"Go take a shower, James, and then we'll pick up Moony and Wormtail and head to the Cauldron." cooed Sirius, condolingly.

James nodded numbly and dropped what he had been holding. Sirius picked up the little book and saw that in it was a picture of James and Lily on their first date, Lily looking nervous and James beaming contentedly…Life was simpler at school, thought Sirius.

0x-

Lily batted her eyelids open, still sleep ridden her plump lips muttered the words, "_An honour_".

0x-

**Author's Note**: I forgot to say last time - seeing as I cannot put lyrics up anymore if you look at the chapter titles it will tell you what song from **Maroon Five **inspired me. Thank you for all reviewing and returning to my fic.

**Kate - **Oh I was in such a mood when this was deleted. I can't wait to get all up to date either.

**Lilred07 - **Thank you, Hon.

**Christy Corr - **Thanks, Sweedie, yeah I've taken the lyrics out now. So, hopefully they have no grounds for deletion.

**Shortgirl424 - **Yesh, finally reposted it:

**Kaye Ryoko - **Thank you, Sweetie - yeah I remember you from last time!

**Nerdy sunny - **I think I'm gonna sick with Fanfiction actually, I'm all calm about it again.

**Alex.C.Potter - **Aw, I'm glad you think its original:

**Shadow Rayne - **Because I don't have direct permission from **Maroon 5 **to use their lyrics or something like that.

**Alice Waters - **Thank you, _Dahlin' _:

**Ebony Quill - **Aw, thanks, Sweetie.

**Sweet gal - **yes it was rather a shame it got deleted - I'm actually proud of this fic:

**Harry & Me - **Hehe, of course I shall keep going my darling!

**RenegadeChicklet** - Thank you; yeah I decided I'd be all grown up about it…I like fanfiction -dot- net, I wasn't about to cut my nose off to spite my face just cause they deleted my fic.

**Tsar Kelsey - **Haha, oh Hon, your review did make me chuckle - you're maaaad! But I love it when people send me reviews full of ramblings! You're fab -smiles-

**Sam - **Well, I got the hint - here's your update!

**Chikka - **Thank you , Hunny.

**Sirius'girl4eva99 - **Aw, thankies.

**Allimae - **Oh that's very nice of you to say! Thanks.

**Rachel - **TGB? The Great Break? How'd you hear about it from there? But thanks for reading all the same!

**Starburst sweetie - **Well, I'll be adding a chapter every two weeks, Hon!

**Would you Rather - **Oh I know, but that's what makes this so much fin to write - I love putting the characters through hell - I'm so sadistic!

**Carmen - **Thanks for the support Hon!

**Gone-Goonie - **Thank you. -Smiles-

**P - **-Smiles- I'm glad you're glad I'm back! I feel so loved! Haha.

**Miss Myrtle360 - **Aw, thank you, yeah marrying someone you don't love would be hell - and I can't wait for a long review from you - I love long reviews, they're so much fun to read! Love ya!

**Padfoot'sprettier - **Aw, yay! You remembered me - I love being remembered!

**AuRoR - **Thanks Hon, I have a Beta reader and sometimes mistakes just slip under the net…thanks all the same though!

**Ellie - **Haha, looove you lots my loverly! -Sings- _Andrew, we hate you…_

**Fiona McKinnon - **Hehe, well I've added s'more for you!

**Amrawo - **Glad to see an old reader back!

**Miss-Mags-ak - **Here ya go, hon.

**SmilelikeUmeanit - **aw, that's was a lovely review to read! I'm very flattered.

**IrishAnor - **Aw, thank you!

**Yas - **Eee! I loved your review made me feel very proud of my fic. And in answer to your question - nope, these are the original chapters you had before!

**Sallymander - **Aw…I wouldn't hurt Lily too much…-shifty-

**Kiki - **Updated for you my dear!

**Elizabeth Denver - **Thank you, I tried to keep to the picture J K painted of the characters and I'm glad you felt James was like James. And my chapters for this will always be around the 3000 words area.

Tasha hearts you all. xxx


	3. Beauty Queen

Lily's day had been as mundane and boring as the crackers she now sat nibbling while reading her way through Andrew's vast library. As four House Elves performed the cleaning and cooking Lily had nothing to occupy her time; she would sit, read, bathe and sometimes allow her eyes to slip to the magnificent diamond she donned upon her left hand. But every time the diamond came into view Lily did not feel a great swell of pride, as most brides to be would. No, she felt her face contort into a grimace and her stomach suddenly become a gaping hole.

The redhead was contemplating which text to absorb next when a loud crack announced Andrew's arrival. His handsome face was tinged pink and his eyes appeared glassy and bright. Today, it seemed, he was pleased, as his slightly wind chapped lips bore the resemblance of a smile.

_Yes, _thought Lily happily, _finally he has come home un-stressed…maybe tonight he won't drink…maybe tonight he won't hit. _

"Ah, Lillian, tonight we shall be attending a Quidditch match and Charity Ball with the Quidditch stars. I did try awfully hard to organise it so we did not have to appear there. But, apparently, according to my secretary, the papers have been clamouring after photographs and quotes from you and I." he spoke in a cool, confident tone which told Lily, that he really wished he did not have to spend another night keeping up his gentlemanly façade.

Lily nodded, not really knowing how to respond to what her fiancée had said, however they were spared any silence as suddenly a short, plump woman appeared. The women; she had greying hair and wore an elegantly composed expression upon her heavily lined face.

"Ah, Madame Malkin!" gushed Andrew, as he flashed the old woman an award- winning smile.

"Mr Bagnold," she kissed both of his cheeks, "So good to see you…Oh and this must be your ravishing bride-to-be!"

Andrew's face contorted with slight disgust as he felt the old woman's dry lips press against his cheeks but he set his mouth into a smile which looked more like he was suffering with lock-jaw.

However the pleasantries were soon over with, as the Minister's son cleared his throat importantly. The two women gave him their utmost attention; he seemed to have that kind of aura, like _a_ particularly feared teacher who, as soon as they'd swanked into a classroomthe pupils would fall silent.

"Now, Madame Malkin, tonight Lily and I are to attend the Quidditch Game and Charity Ball. The Ball is a Masquerade and everyone must wear the colours red or orange, as it is being hosted by the Canons…"

Lily's heart leapt. James would be there, she knew he would…her eyes became glazed with pleasure attheprospect of seeing him again and her breathing became uneven. It took all of her self-control to tear herself from her memories and listen to Andrew speaking.

"…so, as I said Lillian will be donning orange and I the red. For the game I believe I shall be wearing a formal suit and Lily -"

"I have some wonderful new cashmere cloaks in from Paris, they just arrived this morning. I'm sure your fiancée would look darling in them."

Andrew quickly recovered himself from the shock of being interrupted and nodded curtly at the squat woman in front of him. "Very well, take Lillian with you and return here when you have her ready for the game, which will be in," He consulted the old Grandfather clock in the corner of the room, "three hours. Then we shall be returning here and getting ready for the Charity event."

Lily looked up into his eyes and he shot her a glare that quite clearly stated that she should stand up and start getting ready that instant. Knowing he would be displeased if she continued to read the book she was currently halfway through, the redhead pushed her chair back from the table and stood up, smiling her overly happy grin.

Fifteen minutes later, Lily and Madame Malkin were inside the old woman's robe shop. Lily stood upon a stool while a tape measure took her measurements. It reminded her of when she had first found out about the wizarding world and her late Father had taken her through the crooked and narrow Diagon Alley. He had stood there, in Madame Malkin's Robes for All Occasions, watching as Lily nervously allowed Madame Malkin to fit her school robes. Her large emerald-like eyes had gazed in wonder as the coffee pot behind the counter poured hot liquid in to the cup beside it.

"There we go, dear." chimed Madame Malkin, awaking Lily from her reminiscing, and surveying the pretty redhead from underneath her loose tendrils of greying brown hair, the older woman gestured she step down from the stool.

"Oh, thank you." muttered Lily, stepping down off of the small wooden stool, she smiled and took a seat on one of the large lilac chairs. Madame Malkin pressed a cup of pumpkin juice into Lily's pale, manicured hands and then disappeared into the back room where she would set about making Lily's new robe. _A nice black one, what a change_ Lily thought;the words in her head tainted with sarcasm.

As she gazed at the darkening street, Lily felt her eyelids begin to droop…

_Lily glanced around. She was on Hogwarts grounds and staring at a sixteen year-old version of herself, snuggling up to James. It was sunset and James had just given her a package. She saw her younger self rip off the paper and pull out a delicate chain, hanging off it, a tiny snitch and a miniature quill.  
_  
She knew where she was now; it was Valentines Day, two years ago. She was witnessing the first present James had ever given to her. No longer feeling it was safe to wear it, Lily had hidden the two pendants away, but still kept the fragile chain around her neck. Now it hung her late Mother's emerald ring.

"Lily? Lily?"

"Erm, Ms. Evans? Lily?"

Lily jerked awake and suddenly found herself back in the robe shop in Diagon Alley. The redhead realized that she hadn't visited the memory of Valentines Day for awhile, peculiarly, since it was such a beautiful day in her lifetime. In fact every moment she had spent with James had been beautiful…Sorrow welled up in her eyes but she blinked back any tears that had threatened to fall, clearing her throat she took the bag that Madame Malkin was offering her.

"Charge it to the Bagnold account please." requested Lily, her voice still thick with sleep and regret.

"Indeed, I shall be apparating over with Mr Bagnold's and yours formals." assured the round faced woman.

"Thank you." With those parting words Lily left the building to arrive at her home seconds later.

0x-

"Potter has the Quaffle he's tearing up the pitch and, Oh, no that was dirty playing!"

The referee's whistle blew as a torrent of cheers came from the Canon's supporters drowned out the yells of _'No way was that a penalty!'_ or '_Potter's putting it on!'. _

Lily placed a hand to the glass as she saw the blood gushing from the side of James' face. He had just been hit by the Ballycastle Bats' beater, however not with a Bludger but the beater's bat itself. Andrew placed his large hand over Lily's and squeezed tighter than was necessary, while the executives of the club surrounding them laughed, thinking Lily was being incredibly 'girly' as she seemed to be concerned for a Quidditch player.

"Don't worry, Little Miss," chided a large, red-faced man, "Potter's a good player he'll be fine...see." he raised a sausage-like finger at James,who was now mounted on his broom and flying through the air, preparing himself to take a penalty.

Lily breathed a sigh of relief and Andrew, who was still clinging to her hands, crushed her fingers together so tightly thatLily had to bite her bottom lip to stop her from crying out in pain.

"AND POTTER SCORES! 90 - 20 TO CANONS!" the announcer boomed.

Half of the stadium, which was suited up in orange and red, yelled and screamed their approval, while all the people, like Lily and Andrew, in the top box clapped politely. Lily yearned to be in the crowd: Her hair up in bunches, her face painted the colours of the Chudley Canons, squealing with delight for James and swearing loudly every time the other team fouled one of the Canons players.

But no, the young redhead sat here, in the warmth, in the bright lights, in comfort. She was wearing her fitted black robe, her hair in a tight bun at the back of her head, bright red lipstick staining her lips, sipping champagne and eating the occasional strawberry, being observed by all the young, snobby, gold digging wives of the Club's representatives.

"AND SPINNET HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH! IT'S OVER, IT'S ALL OVER! CHUDLEY CANONS WIN!"

Lily stood with the other of the top-box occupants and clapped loudly, a true smile falling upon her face. Andrew smiled at her and took her hand roughly. Leading her around to say good-bye to all the big wigs, he then proceeded to drag her out of the top box and apperated home.

0x-

James entered Top-Box, along with his fellow team-mates, grinning widely. Running up to his Manager he scooped his hand up and shook it energetically before giving him a clap on the back. Then, noticing his best friend lurking in the shadows of the Top-Box he yelled over to him, "Padfoot. Arse. Here. Now."

Sirius grinned slightly then pulled James away from the rest of the gaggle of supporters and players. "James, I saw Lily with Bagnold."

James gulped and ran his nervous, shaking hand through his untidy black mane. "And…?"

Sirius bit his lip, thinking about all he had observed between Lily and Andrew, "She's not happy in the relationship James, and I heard Bagnold telling Bagman that they were both coming to the charity thing later…so you never know. Maybe you should have a word with Lily."

"Pad, just yesterday you were telling me to get over Lily. You said that there was no hope for us."

Sirius rolled his eyes and took a deep breath, "Yeah, well now I think you do stand a chance. Lily needs you as much as you need her."

Inwardly, James smiled. Lily needed him.

0x-

Andrew was wearing a dark-maroon velvet suit, his hair slicked back and his face illuminated with arrogance. When he was ready,he entered Lily's bedroom where she was applying her make up. "I am going now Lily, the men must be there before the women." Lily nodded to show she understood, "Now I wouldn't generally trust someone with your low level of intelligence-"  
_  
I'm not stupid, I'm not… _thought Lily, a mantra which often revolved around in her head.

"-to be able to apperate there by themselves and be on time, but I'm sure that you know what will happen if you do not. So I shouldn't have to worry, should I?" he growled. Lily shook her head.

She needed to ask a question, yet she feared to ask anything of Andrew. He would answer her as if she were three and make her feel she was thicker than a troll. But she had never attended one of these Balls, so she didn't know how it worked.

"Er…Andrew, Madame Malkin left me no mask…what do I do?"

Andrew allowed a slow, narcissistic smirk to adorn his features, "You really are just a pretty face - well, not even that - aren't you Lily?" his eyes sparkled with mockery. Inside, deep down, he knew his bride-to-be was the most stunning girl of her age, but he wasn't about to let her know that. Oh no.

Lily felt tears leak from the corners of her deadened eyes, as they made a path of sorrow down her pale cheeks, siphoning off her pain through the salty water. Andrew laughed wickedly.

"You will be provided with a mask at the Ball, Bitch, now I have to go." with this he swept up his top hat and placed it onto his head. Then he disapperated, leaving Lily with the image of his superior, sinister smirk implanted in her brain.

Roughly she cleared away the water droplets that clung to her face. Opening a drawerof her dresser Lily pulled out a small, silver, razor. Bending her knee, she grasped her left foot with her left hand and within her right hand she held the razor. Placing the sharp blade upon her, already heavily scarred, heel Lily ran the sharp steel through her flesh and smiled as pain seared in her foot.

She felt so proud. This was her pain; she could enforce it, cease it and endure it all herself. It was Lily Evans'. It was her dirty little secret. All hers. No one could take it away. No one.

Hearing the clock chime eight Lily jumped, grasping that she was due there in fifteen minutes. Slipping her feet into her slippers she felt the flow of blood begin to stem. Picking up her bronze eye-shadow Lily dipped the applicator into the powder and dusted the glittery substance over each eyelid, next she added a slick of clear, gooey lip gloss across her light pink lips.

Pulling the band out of her hair, Lily sprayed an instant curls potion, and, exactly as it said on the bottle, her long, thick hair, curled and bounced on her shoulders. Wishing she had not given her wand to Andrew, he would not let her have it back, knowing that she could accomplish things such as hair curling much easy with her wand and without potions.

Smiling slightly at her reflection Lily picked up her bag. Throwing off her slippers, she placed her feet delicately inside her high, strappy shoes. Sighing she apperated from her house.

0x-

Just as Andrew said, a mask was handed to her by a tall man dressed in a lurid orange suit. She smiled at him and graciously accepted her orange velvety mask. It covered about three-quarters of her face and as soon as she placed it to her head it moulded itself, by magic, around her features, allowing only her lips and chin to remain visible.

Pushing through the long deep-purple drapes Lily found herself at the top of a long winding staircase. Taking in a deep breath and smoothing the skirt of her dress she slowly began to descend, wishing every moment that everyone would stop staring at her. Once she reached the bottom she felt someone's gaze intensely upon her.

James saw her the moment he turned his head to glimpse at the stairs. Her long ruby tresses curling around her shoulders, her dress; it was made from a burnt orange silk, a corset tightly shrouded her torso, allowing everyone a full view of the top of her rounded, ample breasts, it was tight around her body until it reached her hips where it flowed out around her, making it appear she was gliding on a sea of silk. Her emeralds eyes instantly gave her away, revealing to all who knew her that behind that mask was Lily Marie Evans.

Lily, self-consciously, led herself over to the bar where she saw a grinning Remus Lupin chatting animatedly to the lady he was serving. Although the top of his face was shrouded with a dark crimson mask, she knew it was him; she recognised his melodic laugh.

Leaning upon the bar she waited until her green eyes met withhis grey-blue orbs and when they did, his entire face broke into a wide, happy grin. Once he was standing facing her he whispered, "Miss Evans." in her ear, so that her identity would not be announced to all who didn't know her.

"Master Lupin." she laughed loudly and joyously, it had been so long since she had talked to her friend.

"So, what can I provide you with, eh?" he asked, wriggling his eyebrows in a way which Sirius would have been proud of.

"Ha, ha. Can I have…a…Fire Whiskey please, Lupin."

Two minutes later Lily left the bar, a glass filled with amber liquid clenched in her hands. Not wanting to run into Andrew yet she walked straight across the dance floor, paying no attention to anyone, keeping her eyes fixed upon the balcony.

Lily walked to the edge of the deserted balcony, resting her hands on the concrete railing, she gazed up at the stars, taking in their beauty. Her head swam. _Why was life so complex? Why was life so painful? _Taking a sip of her drink, she shuddered. It had been six months since she last had something as potent as Whiskey. Bringing her glass up to her glossed lips again, Lily nearly choked. A pair of strong, firm arms had wrapped themselves around her waist.

"Evans." a voice whispered seductively into her ear. Shivers ran up and down her spine, her breasts became pebbled and covered in goose bumps: Only one man had ever had that affect on her.

"James."

Upon hearing his name uttered from her heavenly lips he spun her around. Her lust- darkened eyes stared up at him. Forgetting she was holding a glass she bought her hands up around his neck.

"You look stunning."

A blush settled upon her pale complexion. "No, you're wrong…I'm not stunning, James…I am _adequate_."

"Adequate my arse." he replied, both still spoke in hushed voices.

Removing a hand from her back he bought it up to touch her cheek. Closing her eyes she sighed and leant into his touch, breathing in his earthy scent. However, his hand did not stay on her face for long, he had his index and middle finger extended and was roaming from her cheek, across her jaw line, over her lips, down her neck, gliding across her collar bone - all the time his calloused hands causing a friction, making Lily gasp and moan softly - he travelled across the top of her revealed breast. He leant forward to touch her lips with his but she turned her face and he lay his lips upon her cheek instead, he tried again, this time Lily lifted her head so he found his lips gracing her slightly pointed chin.

"Mmm, don't tease Lily." muttered his desire-ridden voice.

"I'm not. I can't James." A single tear ran from her left eye as she pushed him away. Taking her chin he pulled her face towards him and stared, penetrated her emerald pools; fear, regret, hunger, yearning, loss - all swam within the many shades of green. James nodded - understanding Lily could not be his. Not yet anyway.

Picking up her bag, James riffled through it until he found a red lipstick, taking off the lid he wrote something on her mirror. Then he kissed her cheek, pressed the mirror into her hand, then turned on his heel, leaving Lily standing on the balcony, dowsed in the milky glow of the moon, a hand touching the spot where he had kissed her.

Flipping open the lid of her mirror she saw her own reflection gazing back at her, however slightly distorting her image were the words _98, Periwinkle Close, Hogsmeade_, written in her scarlet lipstick.

0x-

**Author's Note: **I don't feel like rambling my arse off right about now. I'm feeling rather shitty. So yeah.


	4. Shiver

SMACK.

A fist collided with Lily's tear soaked eye. Pain sifted through her head, causing her to shake violently, Andrew's foot hovered over her quivering form, as he watched, a malevolent gleam in his eyes. She stared up into his face, fear imprinted in every fibre of her being.

He lowered his leg, but knelt down beside her instead. Lifting her sweat-drenched hair off of her shoulder, he brought his lips down to her ear.

"Lily." he hissed, snake-like and sinister, "I told you to find me straight away when you were at the Ball, but you didn't…"

The defenceless witch whimpered. At least he had not spotted her and James, she knew that if he had soused out for the first portion of the party she had had James Potter's hands roaming her flesh, she would have been lying there unconscious by now.

He reached out with his finger and stroked her cheek, then forcefully rubbed it across her lower-lip, causing a painful friction. She felt disgusted, just having her touch him in an intimate way made her feel violated and sickened. However, she hoped, prayed, that the mask of indifference would not slip, she could not let Andrew know he gave her emotion.

He could never know the fear, hurt, anger or disgust he installed within her. That gave him a weapon, something to use against her, and she would not allow that; if he caused her pain she would never give him the satisfaction of knowing what he had done; when he broke through her defences, Lily would hitch up a camouflage. No, Andrew Bagnold would never know he held the key to her pain. Never. She hoped.

"…you shouldn't disobey me, Woman." Lily flinched as his voice raised a few decibels, but he did not raise another hand to her; no more bruises would besmirch her flawless body tonight, no more pain would force its way through her nerves. Sneering at her, he disappeared from their bedroom and Lily heaved her aching frame with difficulty, being in too much distress to apply ointments and such tonight. She clawed her way into her bed and weakly pulled the duvet tight around her, still clothed in her orange dress. Sleep fell upon her.

That night she writhed on her bed, thoughts and nightmares of Andrew, swimming in her head, images of past beatings and pain. And…James, smiling - saving her. A golden light flooding his face, his eyes kind, and his hand outstretched…Lily had to reach out; she had to show him she needed a hero. She needed him.

-

Knowing no one would notice his absence James snuck out on to the balcony and disapperated. He found himself standing in a dimly lit pub he knew, _The Three Broomsticks_. Smiling weakly at an old Warlock who was sucking a pipe in a shadowy corner, James stalked across the wooden floor, the smell of stale tobacco and Mulled Mead making him feel slightly at ease.

He leant against the bar and within seconds a very curvaceous woman appeared; she was the daughter of the current Land Lord, only a few years older than James, twenty two or three at the most. She wore a tight, fiery red skirt and a crisp white blouse, her brown hair hanging loosely around her shoulders. The messy-haired man gave her a weary, tired smile which she returned with a wide toothy one.

"'Lo James," she greeted, her voice bold, loud and carrying, always chiming with a bubbly, confident ring, "you played well earlier you know." He nodded his thanks, "we were listening to the game on the Wizard's."

Noticing James was not in the mood to make conversation she asked what he would like to drink, and his reply shocked the young bar maid;

"Whatever gets me drunk quickest; Rough night."

She bought over a glass of liquid which looked like a runnier form of honey: Firewhiskey.

Closing his calloused palm around the small glass James brought it hastily to his unsatisfied lips and splashed into his mouth - it set his tongue alight, his taste buds dancing, burned as it slid down his throat, settling in his stomach an giving him an odd warm, cosy feeling which he had not had before consumption of the liquor.

"Ruh - Rosmerta!" he yelled through a cough. She appeared once again on the opposite side of the bar, a brand new layer of lipstick applied to her lips, giving her a cherry red smile.

"Can I have a bottle of that stuff?" he asked, indicating his empty glass, liking the feeling it had enchanted upon him.

The young woman raised her eyebrow sceptically, her pale blue eyes portrayed a slight look of worry, but not wanting to turn away business she turned on her heel and went to fetch him a bottle of Firewhiskey.

"Here you go, James."

Fumbling in his pockets he pulled out the necessary money grunted a goodbye and left the pub, his bottle of amber fluid clasped tightly in the crook of his arm. The night was cool and a gentle breeze played with and teased his flyaway hair, pushing it in the way of his eyes and then pulling it away. He threw himself bodily onto a bench which was positioned outside his house.

Unscrewing the lid he took a long draft of the alcohol, the familiar feeling of warmth settling in his torso. Soon, half a bottle later, his problems seemed to melt away, he wanted to help Lily yes, Merlin he wanted Lily to be his and yet the Firewhiskey forced him to forget that, in fact, soon only James existed. James, his bench, his drink and the stars. The many twinkling stars which winked at him from above…or was it only James?

A figure was coming towards him, a woman; she was swaying her hips sexily and had long, poker straight, red hair. Wearing only a pair of small, gold, hot pants, and a thin, sleeveless yellow top she was visibly cold - her legs dappled with goose pimples, her nipples hardened and erect due to her lack of bra.

She sat herself next to him, her _blue_ eyes twinkled with mischief; placing a small hand on his thigh he felt his eyes bulge in shock, _who was she?_ Her hand entwined with his. She spoke huskily.

"Jamie, c'mon, you need me."

They were last words James remembered, his eyes rolled back into his head and he felt the darkness of alcohol induced unconscious take over his body.

-

Lily opened her eyelids, they seemed to creak open as one. Her left eye was so heavily bruised that it took her awhile to pry it away from the bottom lid, while the other had become congealed with dried blood, that had leaked from a gash on her forehead. She felt terrible. Not only did she ache, but also felt tired, drained, like a sponge that had been rung out one too many times. Her head throbbed mercilessly.

Delicately making her round shouldered way towards the medicine cabinet, Lily stumbled many times over what appeared to be nothing except her own leg's weakness. However once she opened the cupboard door she found the shelves to be empty, all except for a small piece of parchment, on it, written in Andrew's scribe were the words; _Nice try._

She could see his sadistic grin in her mind's eye, knowing he had written this last night in his rage. He had known she would come looking for potions and creams to better her condition. Also knowing that she would want to purge herself of the pain, he had taken all of the pain numbing concoctions. Bastard.

-

Clothed in a black pair of trousers and an overlarge, baggy, grey jumper Lily left the house, a mirror covered in lipstick scrawl tucked in her pocket. She would travel by Knight Bus, she didn't have the energy for Apparation and also Andrew seemed to always know when she had apperated somewhere.

-

Andrew Bagnold sat in his office, his fingertips drumming loudly on his highly varnished desk. He was thinking about Lily, he would have to keep her in check; she was an unruly teenager who needed to grow up. Him allowing her to wear an orange dress was obviously a mistake as now she suddenly felt able to defy him. Bitch. He would teach her how to be an upstanding citizen…he would show her the right way to live her life…just like his Father had shown his mother and him.

Slipping open the drawer in his desk he found himself staring at two thin strips of wood; his and Lily's wand. Taking them in his guilty hands he placed them in the inside pockets of his robes, he would not let her have it back, he would not allow a _Mudblood_ to hold the power of a wand.

Standing up, he threw on his fur travelling cloak on around his shoulders and disapperated, he would go for a walk around Diagon Alley, have some lunch, get a new robe…maybe a chance for more publicity?

-

As she threw out her hand a large, triple Decker, purple bus appeared. A stout, black haired wizard stepped off the vehicle and smiled jovially at Lily, his eyes ran over her make up concealed bruises and cuts though he showed no sign of pity or wanting to question how she had come by such hideous injuries.

"Welcome to the Knight Bus, transportation for the stranded Witch or Wizard. My name is Edgar Pottle and I shall be your conductor this afternoon."

Lily faked a weak smile at the man and brushed past him, telling the driver she wished to be taken Hogsmede. She took a seat on one of the many squashy armchairs and stared out of the window, barely noticing when she handed over a few sickles to, Edgar, was it?

"Miss," the conductor waved a hand in front of Lily's bright green eyes, "Miss, we have arrived." Shaking her head, causing the red hair to bounce around her shoulders, she smiled feebly at him and murmured a thank you as she stepped off the bus, her arms wrapped tight around her torso.

Jumping down off the last step Lily found her feet cushioned my a thick grassy surface, looking around she saw that opposite her was the Hog's Head, a slightly dodgy, in need of repair, pub; it's atmosphere was nothing compared to The Three Broomsticks and the barman looked as sour as a Niffler who had discovered it was chewing on a lump of pyrite – Fool's Gold.

Lily took the mirror out of her pocket and carefully studied the crimson scrawl.

"Right, Periwinkle Close. Where might you be?" The redhead asked the address as though the words would suddenly become a map and indicate the way to her, instead an old woman with a heavily aged face tapped Lily lightly on the shoulder. She span around, her breath caught in her throat, expecting to see Andrew perhaps, but her heart slowed its palpitations as her emerald gaze fell upon the elderly witch.

"I couldn't help but hear you mumbling about Periwinkle Close dear," Lily nodded to show that the stranger was correct, "well, I live there…would you like to accompany me?"

Lily's wind-capped lips smiled, a real smile, she loved it when someone proved her wrong on the fact she believed humanity was a waste of time, "Thank you, if it's no trouble."

"No trouble at all, M'dear, you looked slightly lost." Nodding again, Lily fell into step with the older women both walking at a fairly slow pace in a comfortable silence, or what seemed to be comfortable; Lily was constantly on the alert - on the look out for Andrew or any of her fiancées friends. However, the older witch broke the hush that had fallen upon them.

"Don't I recognise you?"

Internally Lily groaned, she knew sooner or later someone would notice her from that article which had been thrown all over the front page, even without her make up and finery, and without her plastic grin, she knew someone would pick up on her being engaged to the Minister's son.

"Hmmm, I don't think so." replied Lily, trying to keep her face neutral.

"You know you look an awful lot like that Master Bagnold's bride to be." she stated, giving Lily another once over, however her weary hazel eyes saw the badly obscured blemishes which sullied her face, and seem to realize that Lily could not be the future Mrs Bagnold, a fine respectable gentleman like Andrew would never raise his fist to a women. What a misconception.

"Mmm, so I've been told." mumbled the former Head Girl.

"Haha, must have been a mistake, I blame the old eyes, Deary." laughed the witch.

Forcing a chuckle out of herself, Lily felt the air turn colder, wishing she had bought a coat, or even a scarf, she wrapped her arms even tighter around her chest.

"Here we go."

Lily looked up from her feet and glanced around; she was in a small oval shaped close containing ten or so house, each one looked tidy, neat and loved; lived in.

Smiling at the elderly witch Lily muttered a thank you then allowed her eyes to glide over the many house numbers; she saw it. Number ninety eight. James' house. Her feet slowly took her up the pavement, curtains twitched slightly in the houses she passed but no noses protruded from the straight lace curtains and no glimpse of curious eyes could be seen.

The final steps which led to James' oak door seemed to take an excruciating long time to climb, however, when she finally reached the threshold to his house her breath was gone, her palms slightly sweaty; nervously, she glanced to either side of her twitching frame and lifted her quivering hand to the brass door knocker and rapped once, twice, three times.

A moment past and a large cloud of doubt fell upon her; what if this was a bad idea? However she had no time to turn and flee as the door creaked open - Lily's mouth fell slack.

A girl with shoulder length gingery red hair, crystal blue eyes and full lips was staring at her, her hair mussed up as though she had been lounging in bed only moments before; her eyelids drooped with sagging tiredness. Physically she could have almost matched Lily; they were the same height; had the same completion; her breasts seemed that they would fit Lily's brassieres as well as her own; the legs were long and slightly freckled - Just like Lily's, but there were a few intended mistakes; her eyes, for one, while as breathtaking as Lily's they were made up of shades of blue while Lily's were constructed from green and her hair, it was the same texture as Lily's but unlike hers the mystery woman's was bright red, almost ginger, nothing compared to the emerald-eyed teen's dark, cherry, red tresses.

"Can I help you?" asked the woman impatiently. Lily blinked herself into reality.

"Is this Potter's house?" Forgetting, she automatically used his second name, a term of endearment between the two ex-lovers.

A look of comprehension fell upon the woman's features and she suddenly shot Lily a very patronizing look. "Aw, that's so sweet, one of his fans found his address."

Lily softly raised an eyebrow.

"Don't worry I'm not trying to embarrass you, I think it's cute he has a little fan club. But, erm, if you were hoping to catch him in his undies, you wasted a trip, he's otherwise occupied," the woman raised her pencilled eyebrows suggestively, it was only then Lily really saw what the woman in front of her was wearing; an old T-shirt of James', in fact Lily had bought it for him, it had a picture of the band 'Hippogriff's Hoof', a favourite band of both Ms Evans and Mr Potter.

"Right." choked out Lily.

The woman took in her appearance and squinted her eyes up in dislike. "You know, if you dress like that, no man will ever notice you, particularly not _my _James." and without even a pulmonary 'goodbye' or an 'I'll pass on a message for you' the door was sealed shut, and Lily found herself staring at the brass numbers.

Tears were clamming up her eyes, her head felt thick with disappointment and sadness, her lips trembled; she felt sick. Running down into the street, no longer caring if Andrew could trace her apparation routes, she disappeared with a pop and reappeared in the middle of Diagon Alley. Witches and Wizards were bustling their way through the narrow street chatting with one another, carrying bags and boxes.

Running into a narrow alleyway Lily felt her legs falter and she crumpled to the ground, her legs tangled together, her hairs frizzing and stick up due to the static from the wall she leant against.

Her cheeks felt wet. _How could he? He'd said he wanted her. He'd called her stunning. He'd kissed her with such a passion…and, yet, he had a girlfriend. I've been a fool thinking he would ever protect. _she thought savagely, _I should have known, I'm not meant to be rescued; I'm supposed to live this life; I dug my grave and now I shall have to lie in it…without James, and with…Andrew._

-

Something heavy was leaning against James, it felt like another person, he could feel their warmth, hear their breathing, for a moment he allowed time to stop; he imagined he was lying with Lily, she would be awoken with a kiss, then, he would slip out of the bed and make her breakfast they would lie their 'til late morning and he would lean down and sniff her hair, James took a great whiff of the person lying with him, she didn't smell like Lily, she wasn't Lily; she wasn't his Lily.

"Oh, Jamie." came a voice, she must have registered the quickening in his heartbeat and the absence of his slow breathing. A face appeared with bright blue eyes and flaming red, orange, hair.

"Tara!" James pushed the woman off of him and watched as she slid to his side.

"Yeah, I knew we wouldn't last without one another."

"What the fuck do you mean?" James scrambled out of bed and realised when he was thick with liquor the night before, Tara must have stripped him to his boxers. The cold prickled at his legs, allowing the fresh morning air to wrap its fingers around his body, causing him to feel goose bumps appear all over his body.

"Well, I decided that you made a mistake dumping me," pouted the flame-haired woman.

"You-You decided?" the question was rhetorical and Tara knew it, James raked his hand through his messy black mane and was pacing the room, annoyed.

"Oh, some girl called for you, but don't worry, I sent her away." Tara said, as if she were hoping he would forget that she was there and stop ranting at her. James froze, at the moment it appeared to work.

James stopped, remembering he'd given Lily his address, _was it possible she had come to visit him?_, stopping his pacing abruptly he sat on the bed and Tara wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I knew you'd give in, Jamie."

James untangled himself from her and looked her straight in the eyes; he held her hand tightly in his own, not in an affectionate manner but one with urgency.

"What did she look like?"

Tara scrunched up her nose, she knew full well that the woman had been pretty, "Ugly. She was…er…blonde, yeah, really stringy blonde hair and a big nose, quite tanned skin, almost orange actually and a bit on the plump side." Lies tainted her words but she didn't care, she knew James would not be interested in this woman, whoever she was, and that he would love her. Just like before.

"Right." James felt numbness wash over him, he had had so much joy in his heart when she'd mentioned the woman, he had been sure it was Lily…

"Right." he repeated; his voice blank, "get out."

"What do you mean, James?" she cocked her head slightly, making her look like a confused puppy.

"Out of my bed. Out of my house. Out of my life, _Wench_." Tara shot him a reproachful look and tumbled out from beneath the covers. "And get your scummy, whore-like self out of my top." Anger flared inside him. The top that Tara was wearing was his top; a present from Lily, only she was allowed to borrow it.

-

Once the house was devoid of all women, James threw himself onto the bed and felt a lone tear of frustration leak from his eye and trace a track down his cheek. He wanted Lily. Correction: He _needed _Lily.

-

**Author's Note: **Aah! Don't hate me for making Tara ignore Lily wanting to see James…Otherwise I'd be down a couple of chapters in mah story! Haha! Anyway I'm feeling a little better these days and any of you who read Barbie for a Week will be glad to know that I am updating on that at some point today.

**lilred-07******- Yeah, Shitty can be quite the fun word to say!

**Gone-Goonie** - Thanks. I'm feeling a lot better too.

**Broadway Honey **- There we go. Updated.

**blonde-brain**- Glad you like it, Hunni.

**Heyluv941** - Hehe. Thanks sweedie!

**sunlitmist**- Hehe, aw, thanks.

**The ORIGINAL Meathead** - Glad you love it!

**Miss Myrtle360** - Ah, what a beautifully long comment you gave me! 'Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive' - is that Goo Goo Dolls? Cause I just heart them. And yeah sometimes people cut 'cause they're numb. Sometimes to punish themselves. Sometimes so they have control over at least one thing in their life. Nad sometimes - not aways but often - it is attention seeking.

PHANTOM OF THE OPERA! AH! I love it. I saw it on stage for my birthday! Heart it.

**Cometchick** - Yeah he is degrading and he's going to get worse before Lily can get better.

**Inkish Quill** - Thank you.

**Alice** - Thank you, and yeah I'm feeling a lot better these days.

**amaila1313** - Thanks!

**Rach-Black** - Hehe! Thank you! And sorry hunni, I wasn't trying to kill you. And sure you can add me on hotmail if you'd like to chat anytime!

**i-love-pets** - Yeah I love the Lily needing to be rescued stories aswell.

**a huge fan **- Aw, I'm sorry about your doggy, Schweedie. And I'm glad you thought my Lily/James scene was well-written. I always worry I'm going to make those scenes n00b-ish.

**heather12345** - Lily has been sort of brainwashed that no one would love her or like her without Andrew, hense the reason she's afraid to leave.

**princess Ammy**- Sorry you had to wait so long between update, Hunni.

**tigerwhisper**- I have posted it up here before so it may appear familiar but it was deleted so I had to repost.

**Asdf** - Aw, thank you.

**mereschino** - I don't think anyone can wait to see the back of Andrew.

**Sallymander** - I'm glad you like the balcony seen, I'm always worried about romantic scenes sounding like a load of poo. Haha.

**Li0n3ss** - Well I watched people go through abusive relationships and I also watch a lot of documentaries and programmes about them too.

**fabricate**- Haha, Gawddd your review made me giggle. Yep their eyebrow skills are quite legendary.

**Nogm** - Yo mah Shroom Wench! And I hope you're not advising my characters to go do something that makes them happyyy.

**Muse Dae** - Ooh brownie! Yum.

**Sophh** - Aw, yes Poor Lily.

**RenegadeChicklet** - Hehe, thanks!

**bloomsgrl** - Thank you lots for reviewing this time then Hunni!

**Review!**

**Tasha x**


	5. Harder to Breathe

A figure strolled into the Alley, his shadow falling across the dishevelled Lily. Her emerald eyes flickered up and saw a tall, worried looking Remus Lupin, the light shining around him and giving him an impressive glow. Without speaking the werewolf held out his pale, long-fingered hand and clasped it around Lily's hand . Pulling her to her feet, he steadied the frail redhead, smiled and interlocked his fingers with hers and led her out of the Alley.

-

Andrew sat on the terrace of the _Blue Niffler _café, sipping his latte slowly, observing as the many wizards bustled through Diagon Alley, all rushing to finish their lunch hours. While he, Andrew, sat in the sun, leisurely wasting away his afternoon.

The Minister's son had been about to take a bite of his sandwich when two people caught his eye; one with long dark-red hair wearing overlarge and baggy clothes, and the other a tall, rather slender male with straw-blond hair. The female figure was hunched over and being helped along by the male.

He dropped his sandwich and stood, scraping his chair along the slate floor as it went. It was Lily. _His _Lily. The little whore was having an affair, but apparently not with Potter as he had suspected but with one, Remus Lupin. No. He would have none of that. Tossing a couple of Galleons onto the table Andrew strode off, following them, stalking their steps. He wanted to see what they were going to do, and when Lily got home, well…

-

Stopping outside of a small, quaint tea room Remus pushed open the door and gave Lily a gentle shove through into the establishment. Smiling at the pimpled teenage boy behind the counter, who was looking at the odd couple with interest, Remus indicated that a pot of tea was to be bought to them.

Sitting Lily down on a soft, pale peach, chintz armchair Remus placed his hand on top of her. He was smiling warmly, like a father would to his distraught daughter, who was crying over the fact her boyfriend had been kissing another girl. However Lily was having none of it, she swung her head around so that her hair covered her face, concealing her tears.

Placing his hand on her chin Remus pulled her face into his view. The redhead attempted to protest. She was pulling away, but he held his firm but gentle grip upon her face.

'Now, Lily, enough of that.' he said, his voice tender. Reaching up with his free hand he cleared her face of her hair and soothingly wiped her cheeks clean of tears.

Lily made an attempt to smile but her muscles were taut, so instead she gave up her struggle and faced Remus, her green eyes clashing with his blue ones.

'That's better. Now, Lily, tell me what's wrong.' it wasn't a question; it was an order, but one, Lily found, she didn't mind obeying.

The blemish-covered youth placed a pot of scalding tea on the table along with two china cups, a small jug of milk and little pot of light-brown sugar. Lily's slightly trembling hand clasped around the handle of the pot and began to pour the dark amber liquid into the two cups, giving herself something to do while she contemplated on what to tell Remus.

By the time she had finished and both persons had taken a sip of their drink she knew what to tell him - _everything_.

Andrew followed them and watched as they walked in to a Tea Room, he observed as Lily allowed him to sit her down and surveyed Remus' hands, as he placed them upon Lily. Upon her face. He was touching Andrew's property.

Andrew's cold calculated stare saw his fiancée serving tea to that…_werewolf._ Lily didn't know he knew what Lupin was, but, oh yes, he'd done research on her _friends_. Steadying himself, he leant against the window and he leered through the transparency while he watched as Lily broke down into tears several times, she was telling Lupin something - a long story, by the looks of it.

Lupin's face portrayed so many emotions; hate, disgust, empathy, hurt and anger. His hand, which was enclosed around the small china cup, was shaking violently and his eyes seemed aflame with rage.

'Dear, sweet, _fucking_ Merlin.' breathed Remus, his jaw slack. Lily had told Remus of every incident since she had last seen him in Diagon with James and Sirius. She had told him of every beating, every condescending remark, every time she had tried to escape only for Andrew to pound her into submission. She allowed him to comfort her, but she would not stop not even at his horrified gaze; she couldn't have stopped by that point even if she had wanted.

'And that's not all.' she breathed, the door bell tinkled again and a man dressed in a long black, classy, robe entered, his head hidden by a copy of _The Daily Prophet. _he took a seat near to the two eighteen year olds, not that either noticed as Remus was now listening as Lily choked out her next part of the tale.

'And today, I, I went to see James, 'cause I saw him at the Charity Ball and he said that, that - well he gave me his address and I went to see his earlier and this awful, retched woman answered the door in - in - _Oh_, Remus, she was wearing that top I bought for James…and, and' the young woman's words were becoming incoherent and her face was soaking in a wave of new tears.

Remus tucked Lily's head into the crook of his neck, rubbing small circle in the base of her back, trying desperately to calm the distressed redhead. She rocked her back and fourth gently, silently cursing Andrew and James for being such an ass.

'And, and the worse part was,' choked Lily, her infamous redhead temper flaring, 'she _looked_ almost exactly like _me_!'

Remus gave her a soft look, 'You should know Lily, all the women James has dated in the past or so have always looked slightly like you.'

Lily hiccupped and shook her head, 'Oh, but Lupin you should have seen her, if her hair had been a bit darker and if her eyes were green rather than blue she could have _been _me!'

'Right.' Remus sat slightly straighter and eased Lily off of him, 'I am going to the loo and when I get back, both you and I are going to find James, understood, Evans? Lily…understood?'

Lily shook her head. 'No, Remus, I can't, I don't want to…I shan't.'

'You can, you do and you shall.' and with that he left her and walked off in the direction of the bathrooms.

Lily buried her head in her hands and only looked up when she felt someone sit beside her.

'Wow, that was qu-_Andrew?_' her eyes widened in fear, her throat seemed to be closing in panic. How long had he been there?

'Lily.' he greeted, a manic, slightly insane glint in his eyes. Taking a firm grip upon her hand, he could feel her squirming underneath his grip.

_If only I protest a bit longer Remus will come back and he - he will save me! _Thoughts such as this ran and fumbled through Lily's mind, however Andrew seemed to have the same idea. With a pop he had disappeared, taking Lily with him.

They appeared in the Master bedroom at their country house. Lily screamed as Andrew's fist collided hard with her face; sending her flying onto the bed. He stalked over to her and forcefully straddled her, his well built form pinning her legs to the bed so they felt they would soon splinter beneath his weight. She felt his hands roughly guiding their way from her torso, past her chest and settling themselves around her neck.

'You slut' he hissed, bringing his head so close to her ear she could feel the intensity of his words burning her skin.

She raised her fist to fend him off but he grabbed her frail arms and crushed them beneath his vicelike grip. Taking both of her wrists in one hand he slid his and Lily's wand out of the pocket of his robes. He tossed Lily's aside but before doing the same with his, he muttered a spell which caused thin ropes to bind her hands to the two bed posts.

'You're mine.' growled Andrew, his usually lifeless eyes filled with passion and malice. A hate so strong was twisting his features, he looked like the Devil Incarnate - Satan's long lost twin.

He was like the flame of a raging fire; burning, blistering every part of Lily's flesh he touched; his fingers and saliva scolding her skin. She felt her sweater ripped from her form, her trousers soon falling to the same fate. He leered over her. Biting her breasts so hard they bled and instantly bruised.

She felt the sinister fire smouldering her stomach, leaving great welts and angry red marks. His nails sliced her legs as he grabbed at them to stop her flailing and kicking him, her blood trickled from her thighs and she felt as though poison were seeping through body. Forcefully her legs were held apart and his head dipped into her sex, licking viciously, biting and nipping. Flaring through Lily was a sensation that felt so wrong to what she was enduring, but before she reached any sort of peak, his tongue retracted and the pestilence, that was his emit, found itself soaking further inside her body.

His mouth was soon replaced by his brusque hand, pushing her past her limits, Lily screamed in pain, he was delving within her with his hands. Those hands which had once been used to hold her hand, that had at one point of their relationship been used by holding her tenderly and now here they were, within her. Causing her to writhe and shriek in pain and horror.

She was gasping, floundering, like a drowning woman - scrabbling for something to hold her head above the surface of the water, like a child trapped in a blazing building - attempting to keep her head out of the way of smoke and ferocious flames. Over the sound of her hearts increased rate she heard the deafening noise that was Andrew's maniacal laughter.

She heard him discarding his robe and unzipping his trousers. Desperately, Lily wormed her wrists against the ropes binding her, feeling it cut into her soft skin but with a slight glimmer of hope she also felt the knots begin to loosen; Andrew had never been very adapt at magic.

The bed creaked as it took Andrew's weight once again and Lily felt him throw his body against her.

The fire was smothering her, chocking her. Scorching and searing her skin, it made her thrash and tremble uncontrollably. And then it pierced her innocence, sending its inferno rushing through her weak frame, taking her purity; tainting her with its hellish fieriness.

Lily felt a hand forcing open her eyelids and found herself staring into the Devil's face; in his eyes she saw Hell and all its minions. He let out a triumphant howl and abruptly the burning ceased to scorch her as it did before. He was leaving the bed and walking out of the room. She did not dare breathe or move.

The ominous sound of the bathroom door slamming made Lily jump, her body ached and her eyes drooped with tiredness. She could feel her arms throbbing with having to be held up in such a position, but to allow them to sag caused to much pain as it would force her sliced up wrists to rest the ropes into her wounds.

Her head fell haphazardly to the side, her hair sprawled across her face, and she lay there staring into space. Her face congealed with sweat, blood and saliva. Her lips swollen, her body pulsating with pain, a dull ache resided in her chest but beside all that, nothing compared to the stinging sensation which was cutting through her heart. She had been deflowered with such force, such intensity that she was now positioned there, blood seeping down her legs, purple blemishes taking host on her breasts.

Her eyes fell upon her discarded wand. A flicker of hope flashed within her. She leant up but had to muffle her cry of pain, her wrists would not permit her to break their bonds. She tried to grab the strip of wood with her feet but came to no success. How frustrated she felt, she was within reach of her wand yet could not grab it. It was there, taunting her to stretch out and seize it.

Without much conviction, she muttered the word, 'Accio' she had only seconds to realize how raspy, and croak like, her voice sounded before her wand flew into her limply hanging hand. She felt tears of joy slide down her sweat-covered cheeks, she had her magic back. A miracle.

-

**Author's Note: **Well, yeah I know many of you are probably wanting to kill moi after that chapter but it had to be done. There had to be something that gave Lily a harsh wake up call and I think that did the job, no? Well if you are a silent reader I'd like a review off of you - not just cause I'm a review-wh0re - but cause I'd like to know what you thought about the writing of the rape scene. Thank Darlings!

**Miss Myrtle360** - I think guys call us _Women_ as a sort of possessive thing or you know to degrade us.

And I heart Shrek! Awesome film…yeah I spose that chapter could be reminiscent of those lyrics.

Well it's not colour per say that makes Andrew think he's better, it's more the fact he gave her something 'special' in his eyes, something that would get her noticed. Basically he doesn't want her to feel good about herself hence the reason he forces her to where drab grey and black and white clothes - even though I wear all black all the time and don't particularly think it's drab : ).

Oh yeah, I'm not saying every cutter is for attention - of course not - but a lot are, particularly those 13 year olds who run about going 'Oh my life is over my Mum wouldn't buy me the new Slipknot album which I've never actually listened to and actually won't listen too but it'll make me look cool' Hah. They proved me with entertainment - I'm so mean! Muwhahaha!

**Muse Dae** - -dances to Goo Goo Dolls humming-

Haha - yeah Tara is a beyootch!

**lilred-07**- Well, they'll be no rescue attempts yet - sorry!

**Nogm** - Aah! You do! You want to make all my characters happy!

-grabs characters possessively-

Mine! And where are you? Hmm, I woke up early-ness thinking you would be here at 10:01. I'm appalled! And I haff present-ness for yooou : P

**Gone-Goonie** - Aw, James would never not accept Lily I don't think!

**fabricate**- -Hands book of Ultimate Eyebrow Tricks-

Hmm, I'd imagine you can start aww-ing this fic at around chapter eight. Though there is a little aww in chapter seven, not a lot but a little. I finished chapter seven this week - I'm so proud!

Damn you're lucky…you have red hair -shakes fist- I love dark red hair, I have a serious fetish with it.

**mvpswim** - Thanks.

**blonde-brain** - : ) hop you didn't have to wait too long for this update, Hunni!

**animerockstar** - thanks. : )

**babi-gurl8907**- Hehe, thanks.

**BroadwayHoney** - Haha, that reminded me of those Teletubbies - again again again! Haha.

**bloomsgrl**- Cheers, Dahling!

**the-one-and-only **- Haha, yeah I think a lot of people are waiting for that chapter seven I never got round to posting! Ah well it'll come soon!

**Unseen Moon** - -blush- thanks!

**Cometchick** - True, though Lily was putting an enormous amount of faith in James to save her and then he hurt her as well - emotionally it's true - though sometimes emotional hurts will go deeper than physical ones; basically she felt very let down by the bugger!

**Li0n3ss** - She lied 'cause she's manipulative and wanted James for herself - the short explanation according to mah Nogm is tat she lied cause she's a tit…each to their own: P

**Chantal J** - thanks.

**Fire Red Pheonix** - Haha you go through so many s/ns don't you. Phoenix is spelt with the o before the e by the way.

**Sallymander** - : ) thanks.

**Bob Bennit**- A wench of Devil's Spawn…nice.

**Ellie** - Yeah I hoped to get that across that you should pity people like them rather than hate, I mean it isn't always their fault they are that way.

**sugur-huny-bun**- thanks.

**Banana Yellow Flip-flops** - The situation worsens! Haha, I've never heard it put like that before - generally it's said as the plot thickens: ) whatever floats your socks!

**Inkish Quill **- Aw, thanks you , hunni.

**princess Ammy** - Aw, I know it's rather sad.

Tasha x


	6. Just Fly Away

Shakily, Lily waved her wand slightly and felt the ropes around her wrists come undone. Her arms fell by her sides. Slowly the redhead lifted her worn and tired body off of the bloody mattress, the springs creaking slightly as her weight was taken off Lily could hear the water from the shower hitting Andrew's flesh, proving to her she was safe for the minute.

Moving as quickly as her stiff joints would permit her, Lily made her way across the bedroom and over to her cupboard - everything seemed numb; the pain, the memories. The young woman dreaded the time when it would come for her to relive her experience. Out of her drawer she pulled out a black spaghetti top and a pair of white trousers, and threw them on to her person, not caring what she looked like and wanting, needing, to leave this place.

Lily knew this was not her fault. She had not deserved this. Whether it had been meeting James, telling Remus all that had happened to her or seeing the Werewolf's reaction to her tale she didn't know. All she knew was that inside her now blazed a beacon of hope; something that had not been there for almost a year; she had to escape, she deserved better. Then, the sound of the shower being switched off caused an icy torrent to flow through Lily.

She had thought he would have spent longer in the shower - Merlin knows Lily felt so dirty and contaminated that she thought as soon as she reached water she would never want to leave it - the grime that man - that beast - had left upon her would never truly come off.

She heard the bathroom door shut with a bang and Andrew whistling - he couldn't actually be _happy_ could he? Surely the sadistic bastard wasn't actually _pleased_ with himself…after all he was now a rapist. Though he had been an abuser, surely sexual abuser was merely the next step for him.

Picking up her wand Lily scrambled over towards the window. Her eyes were shut tight and her lips pursued in concentration, she thought, thought hard and quick. Where to go? James didn't need her…and Merlin knows where Sirius or Remus or Peter lived. Then it hit her; Hestia. Hestia Jones, her best friend throughout Hogwarts…surely she lived with her boyfriend still…Kingsley, was it? It didn't matter…she needed to go there.

Pursing together her eyelids, Lily began to attempt to apparate. She failed. Footsteps were coming closer to the door. She tried again, this time almost feeling her body begin to transport itself but her lack of strength forced her to be unsuccessful once again. Opening her eyelids the redhead found herself crumpled on the floor, her legs having given way beneath her.

The door flew open and Andrew came striding in, his hair wet and tousled, dressed in his long dark purple dressing gown. His cold eyes first looked to the bed but he could not see the body of his fiancée. He could however, hear her erratic breathing from her position on the floor. He appeared to conduct a double take seeing Lily dressed and free of her bonds. Andrew started towards her.

Tears were falling from her eyes again but, struggling slightly and grasping at the wall for support, she defiantly rose from the ground, her arm held out in front of her, grasped around her wand. Andrew eyed the wand cautiously; he appeared to have left his in the bathroom. Yet, he did not retreat nor attempt to disarm her.

'What are you doing Lily?' he asked, clearly, his voice full of its usual arrogance.

She did not answer but firmly held on to her wand. All the pain in her body seemed to be momentarily forgotten - she felt powerful again, she was much smarter than Andrew and more adept with a wand; and he knew it.

'Surely you're not upset about us having a little fun are you?' he laughed. It wasn't a vindictive laugh nor spiteful nor cruel - it sounded as though he was merely trying to turn a bad situation into a good one, as though they were in Diagon Alley and he was attempting to make his stubborn girlfriend put back a rather expensive item.

Finally she found her voice. 'L-leave me alone.'

The mirthless laugh left his lips as quick as it had come and once again he was stalking towards her, slowly and deliberate, cocky and complacent. His eyes narrowed with determination and his lips had become a thin pursed line.

'Stupefy!' squealed Lily. Fear and adrenaline pulsed through her; she felt her legs crumple beneath her once more but knew that time would not be on her side. She had not performed magic for well over nine months and understood that the consequence for that would be her stunning spell had been weak.

Her green eyes flew down to Andrew's body sprawled on the floor, he was stirring, with one final effort Lily jammed shut her eyes and felt herself leaving the floor.

0x-

Remus was frantic. He had her. That bastard had found Lily and abducted her; Merlin knew what he was putting her through now. Violent, electric like shocks were pulsing through his body. He could feel the animal - the wolf - within him stirring, wanting ever so much to transform and rip Andrew - Bloody - Bagnold to pieces with his teeth.

He threw open the door and pelted down the street yelling for her but all he achieved was being on the receiving end of rather a few odd looks. Knocking a wizard to the round Remus ran to the Leaky Cauldron and breathing heavily he staggered to the bar.

'Tom!' he called the middle aged bar tender over, Tom, with his thick auburn hair gave Remus a sympathetic look and placed a mug of water for the werewolf to drink. Ignoring the liquid completely Remus said, 'Bagnold. He - he hasn't been in today has he?'

Tom thought for a moment then replied; 'No, he rarely does, generally he just apperates into Diagon Alley.'

'Damn it…' and before the barman could ask further - Remus had disappeared with a noise like a whip crack - he was off to find James.

0x-

For a second her head swam confusedly, her crimson hair had fallen over her face and she was lying haphazardly on the fall. Looking through the tendrils of scarlet, Lily devised she was in a hallway. She had done it. In front of her was Hestia's flat.

Feeling weak and aching Lily reached out, every inch she moved closer to the door seemed to take longer than the last, her elbow creaking from the dull throb that was thumping through all her joints. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, her fist collided with the door; no one answered. Feeling more desperate - knowing it was only a matter of time before Andrew came to fetch her.

The image of Andrew leaning over her, smiling manically seemed to send a rush of energy through her, she needed to beat him - she needed to show him she was not pathetic. She needed to show _herself _she wasn't pathetic. Her hand beat against the door five times in quick succession. The loud sound of bone beating wood rung through the empty corridor.

'I'm coming, I'm coming!' came her friend's voice. Lily had not heard that voice in so long, it was like a safety ring being tossed out to her in this ocean of turmoil. The door opened and Lily felt herself slump into the flat being unable to stand. Hestia shrieked and was instantly by her friends side.

'Lily! Lily, are you hurt? Please…don't be dead!'

Lily felt a hand checking her pulse and heard the relieved sigh of the other witch, who was now gathering Lily up in her arms and walking her into what seemed to be her living room. She placed the limp redhead on the sofa.

Lily creaked open her eyes muttered thanks and fell into a deep sleep; she had been acting on adrenaline since the Rape, acting on instinct to survive but now, now, she felt small and used and violated. Her sleep, however, did not bring much peace to Lily, images flew through her head causing her to squirm and call out in fear.

0x-

Andrew felt his head pounding. The _Whore_! How dare she do that to him…Heaving himself from his position on the ground, Andrew clawed at the bed covers to help him stand straight. Once he was fully vertical he began ruffling the bed sheets and placing them as if nothing had happened; with a quick mutter of the word 'Scourgify' all sweat, blood and evidence that the rape had taken place had evaporated.

Picking up Lily's ripped clothes, with an air as if he was merely sweeping up a few crumbs, Andrew held the torn garments, spoke the word 'Reparo' and watched as the slashed material meshed together once again to form a bond that appeared to have never been broken.

Placing the articles of clothing into one of Lily's drawers the Minister's son began to clothe himself once more, he took time in selecting the perfect outfit, as he did not have to rush. The silly girl couldn't escape him so there was no point in hurrying. He pulled on a crisp white shirt and dark brown trousers followed by a deep, elegant, maroon robe.

0x-

Hestia Jones collapsed into her chair after laying her friend down to sleep, she could hear the frail redhead whimpering and thrashing about on the sofa, every now and again the ebony haired witch would see her friend sit bolt upright, eyes wide then fall into a slumber again.

What had happened to Lily? Had she been mugged? Did Andrew know, in fact, thinking if Andrew why had she not gone to him for help…unless - unless it was he who had done this. If he had been abusive it would have explained Lily's absence from her friends since they had left Hogwarts.

0x-

A face with pink cheeks, large dark blue eyes and long black hair was looming blurrily in front of Lily's face. Reaching up with her right hand she grazed her fingers across the visage before her - it felt real…

'Hestia?' mutter Lily thickly, her mind still ringing with Andrew's taunts.

A shrill noise of relief rang through the room, 'Lily, oh my Darling Lily - I was so very afraid.' her arms encircled Lily's quivering form and she held the redhead close to her chest. At first Lily tensed - being showed this type of _tenderness_ had not happened to Lily for almost a year.

'Hestia…I thought - I thought he was going to kill me.' gasped Lily, tears falling thick and fast from her green eyes - which no longer looked so deadened, but full of fear and panic.

'Who?' cooed Hestia in a Mother Hen type of way, she had now broken the tight embrace with Lily and had rested the crimson haired girl's head on her shoulder while she ran her finger through her scarlet tresses.

'_Andrew_' she whispered.

Hestia's heart fell, she had hoped that this had not been the work of him, had so wanted Lily to have been a victim of a random mugging rather than be in the knowledge that her best friend's attacker was one she trusted.

0x-

Closing the door smartly behind him and walking to an anti-Muggle area, Andrew disapperated to his offices. He had connections there, connections that would tell him exactly where the young Redhead had apperated, assuming she had made the full journey she had wanted - Lily had been somewhat _tired_ when making her hasty exit.

Andrew chuckled to himself silently.

0x-

Breathless and clutching at the stitch in his side Remus appeared suddenly in James Potter's living room. The raven haired man, currently lounging over his sofa his head obscured by a magazine, except the few tufts of hair that could be seen protruding from the top of the pages, looked up at his friend in surprise.

'What's up, Rem? You look dead.'

Remus strode up to James and punched him square in the jaw - it had not been a hard blow yet James had been rendered speechless.

'What the fuck was that?'

Remus looked up at his friend, anger blazing inside of him. 'How _dare_ you!' hissed the Werewolf, 'if you hadn't gone to that Tara bitch for a sympathy shag, she would be here right now…not in the mercy of that Sadistic Bastard!'

James' mind was reeling. 'I didn't sleep with Tara she just sort of found me, last night when I was drunk, took me home and well when I woke up this morning…' rambled James, then suddenly his brain seemed to process the rest of what Remus had said, 'Who would be here? At the mercy of what Sadistic bastard?'

'Lily!' yelled Remus his voice heavy with the weight of his exasperation.

At the moment the redhead's name was mentioned James was on his feet, panic sifting through his thoughts. She had come here? And Tara…she had lied to him. He should have known.

0x-

'Hestia Jones.' muttered Andrew. And with a pop he had disaperated from his office to the hallway outside of Hestia's flat. Striding towards the door he rapped smartly upon it three times and waited.

Lily jumped as she heard the bangs echo through the flat. Hestia rubbed her arm comfortingly and smiled in a reassuring way.

'Don't worry, Hon, it's just the door' But as the raven haired witch stood to answer the door, Lily flung out her arms and latched herself to Hestia's torso. Lily's eye were wide in fear.

'What…what if - if it's him?' gasped the redhead, dread present in every breathless syllable.

'Don't worry, I won't let him in.' vowed Hestia before unpeeling the shaking Lily from her and settling her back down onto the cushions.

Leaning against the door Hestia pushed her eye up to the peephole and there, standing on just the other side of the piece of wood, stood Andrew Bagnold, his clothes, like his expression, stiff and arrogant. Anger boiled within her. How _dare_ he? She thought.

But, before she could walk away, Andrew smacked the door hard with his fist. 'Ms Jones' his yell became strained with false politeness, 'Open this door please, Ms Jones, I know you're in there.'

Lily was quivering but managed to stand and shakily made her way to stand beside Hestia, who, when she saw what her friend was doing attempted to silently force her to retreat back into the living room but, despite her fear, Lily would not back down. She was a stubborn girl and there would be no changing her mind.

'Go away!' she shrieked back.

'Lillian! Get out here this instant!'

'Never! _Never _again will I be your _victim _Andrew Bagnold!'

'Lillian Evans I mean it you are my fiancée and if you do not exit the apartment right this instant I shall be forced to come and retrieve you manually.'

'Oh yeah. I forgot you do everything _manually_ don't you if you don't get your own way!'

Andrew cringed inwardly at her loud acquisition. 'I will be forced to apparate in there, Lillian.'

This time it was Hestia who spoke, 'Try all you like, _you Bastard_, these are Auror flats you _can't_ apparate in.'

Andrew growled and ran at the door, his shoulder collided hard with the door. The two women felt it shake slightly.

'Lily, my darling Lily, you have to leave here, Ok?' said Hestia as she pulled Lily away from the door which was fast on its way to becoming unhinged. Lily looked around wildly.

'How?'

'Floo' replied Hestia simply, indicating the fireplace which was already roaring with flames.

'Where am I - Where am I to go?' said Lily as she began to cry again.

'Go to the Three Broomsticks. James lives near there…do you know where James lives, yes?'

Lily nodded. It was the last place she wished to go, seeing James with that woman would only lead to more injury…but with Andrew on her tail she had no choice; no choice but to plead to the person she had never lost her pride too. But then, she supposed, loosing her pride was one thing but she couldn't loose her freedom again.

Grabbing a handful of the glittering, green, powder, Lily threw it into the flames. Embracing Hestia quickly, Lily muttered into her ear 'Thank you so much…I will never forget this.' Hearing Andrew smash through the door, Hestia gave Lily a panicky push towards the fire.

'Go!'

And she did. The flames engulfed the spinning redhead and when they had died down she was gone. Andrew stood in the doorway and ran at Hestia sending her to the ground. 'You _bitch_!' he hissed.

His fist collided hard with her face and sent Hestia unconscious. Leaving her, black hair sprawled across her face and bruising upon her eye, Andrew disappeared.

0x-

James grabbed Remus' arm and yanked him towards the door.

'C'mon we have to find her.'

0x-

**Author's Note: **Aw, you're all awesome. And yes after this chapter you will all read chapter seven for the first time ever! Hehe!

I don't have a lot to say this week so…

**white-tiger-lily** - Haha, damn his bladder indeed.

**mansts**- Yeah, I'm glad you understand it _had _to be done. Even if it wasn't the nicest.

**Cometchick**- Yeah, Lily had to admit it to someone before she just went completely numb to life.

**RenegadeChicklet** - Haha, Andrew hasn't got his ass wooped yet…give it time!

**Kate** - I'm happy you're still loving it, Hunni.

**xEnter.Nightx**- Haha I don't intend on stopping! **: P**

**lilred-07** - Haha, I think Andrew deserves a spork in the eye too.

**Girl number 1**- It got dealeted, Hon, so I was reposting it.

**Elizabeth Denver** - Thank you, it is one of my favourite chapters too, mainly because I'm proud of being able to do the rape scene!

**starburst sweetie **- Hehe! Yeah, Remus and James to the reascue…hopefully: P

**Fiona McKinnon** - Okay, gonna sound silly now but what does PAMS mean::shrug:

**Banana Yellow Flip-flops** - Haha! Last condemning words indeed…anyway it wouldn't be a Tasha ficlet if I didn't force my characters - and readers - to suffer a little more::giggle:

**Nogm** - :glomps: I made my Nogm-yyy almost cry! Eeps!

**weird-and-wonderful**- Haha "he should die soon" straight to the point, eh? **: P**

**Belle** - Yes, she had to get out!

**Muse Dae** - **: O **excuse me missy! Encouraging my characters to escape and not be miserable…tut, tut I won't have it! Hehe.

**sugur-huny-bun** - Erm, thanks, I think.

**Gone-Goonie** - Gawd, I know what you mean. It makes me want to spork silly people like that…though I do have fun laughing at them, then watching them get all annoyed and taking pictures of their scars to post on the computer. Ridiculous people.

**amrawo** - :smiles: Thanks. You were a reader before it was deleted, no?

**Bob Bennit** - Haha, lovely little cycle you have there.

**BroadwayHoney** - Aw, I wouldn't have wanted you to cry Hon, then again I would have done cause it would have been nice to know my writing could evoke such a strong emotion. :hug:

**Sallymander**- Thank you.

**Heyluv941 **- Haha, don't worry I have no life either!

**rainystarssuperstar** - Aw, my darling, that was such a lovely review for me to receive particularly as I am not the happiest of beans lately. That was gorgeous to read, and yeah I hope to one day have a series of books published - I started on my first one seriously a couple of days ago!

**Ellie** - Hmm, yes everyone has their own choices but life isn't that black and white really, I mean if all you'd ever known was violence when you were angry you wouldn't know how to deal with your anger any other way than lashing out, even if someone gave you the choice to be non-violent. Not to mention most of your conditioning happens when you're a child and some children are not given the chance to make their own choices as they're growing up so they turn out a miniature version of their parents - and violence only begets violence.

**Unseen Moon** - Haha that would seem a fitting punishment for hi, wouldn't it? **: P**

**the-one-and-only **- Haha, don't worry the next chapter I post you will have never read before!

**Anna **- Yeah, well I don't like to rush things with fics, particularly not when dealing with sensitive issues.

**3mZ** - Haha, thank you, Hon.

**Miss Myrtle360** - Pshaw they're entertaining when they hit an artery - sounds real sadistic - but I have no time for people like that. Unless they have a solid reason to cut. Hehe, thing is my actual laugh is a manic cackle…oh well, yeah Harder to Breathe is one of my favourites…it's a lot rockier.

**Inkish Quill **- Thank you.

**Li0n3ss** - Haha she'll get her happy ending in a while - hell, I did say this would be angsty. **: P**

**babi-gurl8907** - :smiles: thanks.

**KayeRyoko** - thank you.


	7. This Love

Spluttering, Lily fell from the fire and scrambled herself up off the ground. The low hum of chatter which had been fairly loud before hand, ceased and all turned to stare at the sweat drenched, ash coated and wild-looking redhead. Lily shot one last worried look around the shop and scampered from the building, Rosmerta calling out for her as she left.

When she was outside the pub Lily didn't stop - she wasn't clear of where her energy was being supplied from - mentally she felt ready to break - fear, pain, worry, panic; it was all so much to handle - her mind was weak and yet her legs continued to run her up through the village and to James' house.

It was then that her body faltered. That woman was in there _with_ James - thoughts of doubt and rejected now flitted through her head, and she couldn't help picturing James taking one look at her appearance and then turning her away. Lily fell to her knees as she reached James' gate, but could not yet give up, and although scenarios played over and over within her mind Lily had to hold on to one strand of Hope; James would still love her enough to protect her.

On her knees, Lily crawled up the steps, dirt and small stones the size of rice grains digging into her cuts, both from Andrew and the grazing of her skin crawling had awarded her with. Lily reached the door and weakly extended a hand to yank down the handle. And by some act of Merlin, the golden handle slipped downwards and the door pushed open - that women must have forgotten to lock it, was the only thought washing through Lily's mind.

Finally feeling she was secure from Andrew for the time being, Lily lay on the hallway floor and closed her eyes. Her physical state finally catching up with her mental one; she was sprawled across the floor, her hair over her face, her arms and legs mucky and bloody. Her trousers were ripped and soot encrusted.

0x-

It was midnight and James and Remus were frantic. Nowhere could they locate the redhead for whose life they feared. Nobody was in the Bagnold residence - they had scanned the house with a heat detecting spell and nothing human like showed up, at that point Remus pointed out, reluctantly, that if she were dead no heat would be shown, however he stopped mid sentence at the look of anger and grief on James' face.

'James. Let's go back to your house.'

'And do what? Give up on her?' he yelled back, causing several curtains on the street to twitch curiously.

'You're no good to Lily half dead yourself. You need to sleep, James - even if it's only for a couple of hours.'

James looked very much so that he'd have liked to argue and punch Remus so hard that the werewolf could fully understand how his heart was aching, but he was right - James had felt the back of his eyes itching with tiredness for the past hour. Allowing his friend to clap him softly on the back, both men disapperated back to James' house.

0x-

James toppled over something in his hallway and fell to the floor with a loud clatter. A soft moan coming from neither him nor Remus - who was locking up the door with a protective spell - made the men jump.

'Lumos' muttered James and the end of his wand ignited, sending a web of light throughout the hallway.

He could see the body of a female and a mass of red curls. His heart skipped a beat, it was Lily - all this time they had been searching and she was here, right here all along. Diving down next to her he placed his hands on her frail form and lifted her effortlessly from the ground, her long legs hanging over his arm and his hand attempting to support her lolling and lifeless head.

Placing her in the centre of his bed he straightened out and gasped at what he saw, her clothes were damp and stained, and her flesh was bruised and bitten. He could have almost retched at the sight of his Lily in such a state, all broken and marked. Leaning closer he lifted up her top gently so that her taut stomach was revealed to him, purple blemishes besmirched it as well as tell tale nail scratches that looked as if they had been pretty deep and cutting. What had he let his Princess go through?

She was a beautiful goddess and deserved to be treated as such. Not really trusting his own instincts or his self control - as he was sure if he revealed anymore of these injuries he would go and hunt down Bagnold and sort him out himself!

"Remus."

His friend looked up from the couch at James and as the raven haired man beckoned him into his bedroom he followed obediently. He gasped at how frail the redhead looked.

Remus…I'd appreciate it if you'd…you know heal her up."

The sandy haired man looked at his friend sceptically. "James, I think _Lily_ would _appreciate _you healing her." he smiled gently at his friend. Gulping, James nodded and Remus left the room quicker than he had come, leaving James alone once more the woman he loved.

0x-

"_You cannot escape me, Lillian!"_

Lily woke with a start and bolted upright in bed. Her hair fell about her face and shoulders crazily, obscuring her vision of the milky-lit room, her eyes seeped tears she hadn't known she actually cried and her head rung with taunts and yells of Andrew coming to find her. Find her? _Find her!_ She looked around, breathing deeply, calming herself - she was in Hest--no, James' house! In James' bed. She looked about and saw no sign of any human life.

Standing up from the bed she looked down at her appearance and discovered she was wearing an old baggy top of James' and a pair of his boxer-shorts too. Lifting up the _Chudley Canons_ shirt she found herself staring at a stomach she remembered, firm and pale, no bruising or blood. Looking to her arms she saw James had too healed the rest of her. She felt slightly abashed at him seeing her naked and her not being conscious. Though perhaps it had been better she wasn't awake for that.

Moving towards the door, she winced. Between her legs was still a dull ache; he had been so rough, so disgusting…everywhere touching, smothering, choking her…it had hurt so, so much and she had been so terribly afraid as he'd plunged within her, breaking her virtue and innocence. Memories flooded back in full vibrancy and colour. Looking down at her snowy-white body she felt disgusted. She could see his mark - everywhere. _Everywhere._

Running from the room, she began to quietly search for a bathroom and finally found it, after ignoring the fact she had not seen James anywhere - though he was lying fast asleep on one of the couches she had been dodging around in desperation for the bath to be made available to her. Slipping into the blue tiled room she closed the door and flipped the catch round so that she could secure. Gasping for air she switched on the hot tap with a great amount of stressful force. Looking up she saw he owned a shower and, turning it to its highest possible temperature, ripped off all her clothes and sat in the bath.

Water was pooling itself about her, burning her skin and turning it a violent shade of red while hot - almost boiling - water cascaded down on to her head, making her hair stick to her skin. But Lily didn't care about the ridiculous heat, instead picked up a scrubbing brush that she was sure was for cleaning your nails and a bottle of soapy substance then, without really caring that it was shampoo and not a soap, she poured it all over her arms.

She began scrubbing and scraping away at her skin, but as soon as the movement began to hurt and break the skin of her arm, she would look at her legs. When she glimpsed at the other parts of her, she would see another mark of where he had been and began cleaning it until it would hurt so terribly that she cry out and watch the wounds she had created bleed softly. _So much dirt. _It wouldn't come off. Harder she scrubbed, not listening to her body crying out in pain or the fact her skin was peeling away. She kept going, wearing it down. Sobs emitting from her were ignored; her tears fell in torrents but she ignored them, consciously she didn't even realise she was shrieking in pain.

0x-

A loud sobbing awoke James from his slumber. He slowly creaked open is dark hazel eyes and found himself on the couch. Lily instantly flew to his mind, her hunched on the floor, him carrying her to his bed, healing her wounds, dressing her in his clothes. A shriek. _Lily! _Scrambling off of the mass of blankets and cushions he ran quickly to his bedroom where he saw the upset sheets and no Lily. Walking cautiously out of his room he saw underneath the closed bathroom door - a slight crack of light, illuminating the door.

Before he knew it, he was there and twisting the door knob. Nothing. He could hear loud cries of pain and the water of both his shower and the taps hitting the sides of the bath. "Lily!" he yelled, his ear pushed against the door, "Lily, answer me!"

Lily couldn't hear him - in fact all she could hear was the breathy moans and insults Andrew had whispered into her ear while contaminating her, and there her own little voice muttering about the dirt. "Clean. I must be clean. So dirty…so filthy." and with that she continued to scrub her head hard, digging her nails into her scalp as she roughly massaged soap suds into her hair.

"Lily, I'm - I'm coming in!"

And with that he shoulder barged the door, causing the lock to ping off into the bathroom. A mass of steam billowed out into the living room, the water was so hot it had almost caused the room to become a sauna, the floor and wall tiles were damp and slippery with condensation and the mirrors and taps were a thick white colour.

Lily looked up through her emerald eyes and saw James coming towards her. His eyes were wide with worry and fear. When he saw Lily hunched in the bath he felt sick. Her skin was red raw and face was covered in tears. James leant down to scoop the muttering Lily out of the bath but jumped back instantly, the water scalding him. It must have been killing Lily to sit there and scrub away. Braving the hot water, slightly more prepared this time, he whipped her up out of the bath and took her into the living where he placed her upon the rug.

Grabbing up his wand James lit the fire then sat opposite her, staring at the women in front of him who was still rubbing at her arms. Suddenly, however, he seemed to notice she was still unclothed, so disappearing into his bedroom once again he came out holding his maroon dressing gown. Lifting her arms up tenderly, he wrapped it around her. Her large, doe-like - innocent - eyes were looking up into his face.

"Lily." he said slightly forcefully, holding her hand in his to stop her rubbing at her already agitated skin, "that's enough."

"But, _James_, James I'm contaminated."

James looked at her, perplexed. "No, Lily you're not, you're beautiful."

"I'm besmirched by _him_. I'll never been clean again."

"You are perfectly clean."

"No…I'm filthy. Everywhere he touched me; filthy." She looked right into the core of James' eyes and whispered, softly tears seeping down her face "he burnt, like fire. Stabbed and ripped away at me took my, my virginity, James. _Took it._ _Stole it. Made me dirty._" and with that she passed out.

A torrent of emotions rant through James: Anger; _how dare he_: Pity; _so much pain_: Jealousy; _she was mine:_ Uselessness; _I should have saved her:_ Stupidity; _I should have known what was happening._ Within him now burned a desire to hurt, maim and ruin Andrew Bagnold. Make him pay for what he'd done…suddenly James could have slapped himself, why had he healed those cuts! They were evidence! Evidence that Lily had been…_raped._ He shuddered at the thought of it.

0x-

Lily awoke to find her skin stinging, no surprise really, she thought. Sitting up Lily found herself once again in James' bed and he, himself was fast asleep on a chair in the corner of the room. He looked uncomfortable, his tall frame bent over in order to sleep comfortably in his chair. Slipping from beneath the bed sheets Lily sat in front of him and studied his face. He looked much how he had when they were dating in school, a good-looking face, almost a pretty-boy type of look, his hair longish and shaggy.

Gently her fingers grazed his cheek as she traced to contours of his face with her light touch, remembering ever part of him, even the light freckles on his cheek bones which, due to his naturally tan skin you wouldn't be able to see had you not looked carefully…or like Lily, knew they were there. His eyes opened slowly, and he found himself staring at the face of Lily Evans - a sight he'd wanted to wake up to for longer than he could remember. Her eyes were still bloodshot and her cheeks red and slightly puffy. Also, he noticed her flesh was still tinged a dark crimson from where she had worn the top few layers of skin away.

He brushed his hand over her and watched as she winced when flesh touched her broken skin. "We'll have to get some salve for that." he murmured.

"Yes." Lily agreed, ashamed of what she had put James through then suddenly her mind flicked back to the women. "I'm sorry to burden you, James. I'll leave for my Mother's as soon as possible and be out of yours and your partner's hair."

James looked slightly stunned. _Partner? _"Lily, you misunderstood…that girl was some old hag I used to date…she just turned up and apparently I fainted on her so she bought me back and assumed that meant we were back together…we didn't _do anything_."

Lily turned back to James and observed him, her eyes stinging with hurt but a small smile grazed her lips. "Still, you shouldn't have to deal with my shit, James, it isn't fair."

"Lily, I thought I made it clear the other night, at the ball, I _do_ want to be the one to _deal with your shit_ as you put it." He smiled softly at her then stood. "I'm going to grab some clothes then go down into the village and get some food for breakfast and cream for your skin."

Lily looked up at James and nodded to show she understood and was listening to him. "Do you want to come, Lil?"

She shook her head worriedly, _people, she couldn't be around people yet. _

0x-

As the door shut behind James, Lily walked into his bathroom again and turned on the shower, making sure the water was cold enough not to re-agitate the scolding scalding she had done to her skin previously. James was going to want a full explanation; of everything…like Remus had. Right from the beginning and right up to when he…he had _fucked_ her. It sounded so crude, but that's what it had been, crude, painful and scarring. And not only physical scarring.

Lily felt calmed under the water, gently rubbing her skin and hair. Wrapping a large towel about her body Lily quickly marched into James' room and rooted through his drawers for something to wear. She found a large T-shirt that a soon as she had slipped it over her head made her sigh, she could smell him on it. His aftershave and his shampoo clung to the fibres. To cover her modesty, though, she reasoned she could have walked about nude - it was not as if James hadn't seen her naked before. Picking up a pair of boxers she slid them up to her waist but they were too big and settled precariously on her hips instead.

Once dressed she picked up a hair brush that lay on top of one of his pine sets of drawers and went to sit on the sofa and await James' return. The bristle went reluctantly through her hair but eventually she had her read red locks tamed and they hung in slight waves about her face.

0x-

They were halfway through their toast and eggs, or rather James had eaten almost all of his food and Lily had picked at her toast, when the subject Lily feared was breeched - her past years life. James had tentatively asked what had been happening and Lily had told him. Just as she had Remus though without tears and hysterics, she found it came out easier the second time round and helped lift some of the lead from her heart a little more. In fact, once she became accustomed to the story it seemed as though she were telling the tale of another person - even now it seemed so surreal...

"And then he found you with Remus?"

Lily gulped. "yes." she breathed, "it was awful, James, he had me bound to the bed, he had his hands in me…biting, scratching and hitting then he…he, entered me full force. I felt like I was going to split in half so much pain…so much pain."

James put his arm protectively around her shoulders and led her to the sofa where he sat, cradling her, determined it seemed to tell him the end of her story. And although he heard her voice shaking and her hands quivering he saw determination in her eyes…and a light he hadn't seen shimmering within her green orbs since before they left Hogwarts. Had her hope come back? Her faith? Had Lily began to become herself again?

She finished her tale with collapsing on the floor in his house last night. Silence enveloped them. James not knowing what to say and Lily having nothing more to say, so they sat there in the quiet, Lily's head snuggled beneath his arm, hugging her own long legs to her chest. It was only when James touched Lily's forearm did she make any sort of noise.

"Ouch." she uttered softly.

"Sorry, Lily…maybe you should put the cream on. According to the old guy in the shop it takes down any skin irritation or burn, not to mention numbs it."

She nodded then stood along with James. In her pale hands he place a large glass jar, filled with a light green balm. Smiling her thanks , she walked into the bedroom and slowly closed the door, leaving it slightly ajar, however she had only been applying it to her arms when the door opened and James was striding towards her.

"Come here, Lil, let me do it," smiling weakly she handed him the jar and pulled off her T-shirt.

Softly his delicate hand wiped the cream over her shoulders, rubbing until the salve had been absorbed into her skin. Then he scooped some more into his palms and touched her breasts lightly. Feeling her respond instantly to his touch, he himself feeling his neck redden and the heat travel up his spine. But he refused to look into her smouldering clover eyes, he had to help her now, not think about kissing her senseless.

Lily felt the blood rise to her cheeks and they tinted a light pink as she felt James' carefully hand massaging the ointment into her skin, it was like heaven - so beautiful and gentle - she had missed his touch and gentle caresses. However, he did not pause to look at her but kept on going until he reached the tip of her toes and she could feel and visibly see the pain and red blemishes leave her body.

His darkened eyes looked up at Lily as she lay on the bed, wearing only his T-shirt. She looked delicious; her long, luscious legs, long red hair tumbling about his pillows and her chest rising and falling gently as she enjoyed the cooling of her skin. Lifting his own weight off of the bed James made to leave the room, thinking a cold shower would be of some service about now.

Lily felt his presence leaving the room and didn't think she could bear for him to leave her yet, so jumping up quickly and dashing across to the raven-haired man she whirled him around. They stared, emerald entrancing hazel, neither moving or breathing. Softly, gently, tentatively Lily leant forward and brushed his lips with hers, then circled her arms tightly around his neck, hugging him for dear life, not knowing if she wanted his closeness, not after what had happened, but needing to feel him and needing to know he was there for her.

"Thank you, James."

Her arms left their place tightly around his neck and he looked at her analytically. He smiled slightly and stroked the tops of her arms. He wasn't going to push her; he would let her come to him, until he knew she was ready to carry on anything further. So, just to stop his heart from shattering if she left him, he would not allow him self to be foolhardy enough to presume they were once again an item. The poor woman had just broken free of an abusive relationship and whether it meant being her friend, or the more preferred option -her lover - he would help her fight back her demons and would personally see to it that they broke Andrew Bagnold.

**Author's Note: **Okay, I don't like this chapter. At all. What do you think? I changed the ending a little…I didn't like that Lily attacked James' lips so I made it a chaste kiss and a hug.

And is it true I'm not allowed to reply to you guys any more? That sucks ass if it is, so I won't be doing replies till someone can actually show me that it's really not allowed. Mkay.

**Tasha x**


	8. Not Coming Home

**Chapter Eight**

"…right, so the only plan we have so far is that we could _lynch _him?" questioned Peter, looking around grimly at his three friends, all the faces set with determination.

James nodded silently, his features hardened and his expression dour, they were by no means joking…he wanted to get hold of the _bastard_ and rip him limb from limb. The four men jumped apart slightly as Lily shut the bedroom door noisily behind her, every pair of eyes in the room flew to her, she was clothed in one of James' white shirts and a pair of black flares that Sirius had bought for her - he'd just had them 'knocking about his flat'…apparently. She gave them a small half smile and joined them at the table, tucking her legs beneath her. Surveying the men in front of her.

"Hello Lily." greeted Remus, his eyes gazing at her kindly.

"'lo Remus."

Silence…until Remus felt as though his guilt were going to crush him where he sat…

"I'm so sorry I let him take you, Lily! I tried to protect you…some hero I turned out to be." Remus hung his head in shame, but Lily shook her head violently, causing her red locks to fall messily out of place.

"Don't be ridiculous, Remus. It's not your fault that _man_ has no scruples."

"Well, Lil," interjected James, he knew he shouldn't, but he was not liking the look of tenderness being shared between his friend and Lily, "we figured we could go beat the shit out of Bagnold or Avada Kedevra him."

Lily's eyes flew to his, wide and scared, "_don't you dare_" she hissed, her voice having more passion in it than James had seen her reveal in the entire time she has resided with him. "I will not have you sent to Azkaban…_any of you_." Her eyes gazed fiercely at them, as though daring them to defy her. She may be damaged but she was not broken anymore. She was going to fight this battle against Andrew Bagnold and come out of it victorious.

"Well…then what do you suggest?" Prodded Sirius cautiously, he didn't want to evoke Lily, one he was scared of her anger and two he didn't want her further upset over this Bagnold ordeal - if that was possible.

She sighed, the weight of the world on her fragile shoulders. Her brain was ticking over and over…if she broke up with him it would be shown in the papers…and of course if she got her side of the story published first then every one would know the _real_ reason for their break-up…though that would result in reliving the past year once more and risking being called a liar…

"So, Lil Red," smiled Peter, "Is it _'Eureka' _or not?"

Lily looked pensively at him, observing his small blue eyes and mop of blonde hair - though not really seeing him. "…yes." she answered quietly.

0x-

Two hours later and Lily, accompanied with James was marching through Muggle London, James kitted out in a pair of tight, stone washed, jeans that were moulded to his skin, Lily in a pair of scruffy, hipsters. Her hair falling mercilessly about her shoulders in dark red waves, all straight and shiny. Apprehension rose up into Lily throat and she groped for James' hand, clinging for protection. His hand was rough - calloused - but welcoming and warm, completely devouring her small, pale, fingers. James pushed open the door and guided Lily through…the _Daily Prophet _headquarters.

Both teenagers approached the front desk, the bottle blonde sectary smiling benignly at them, a sparkle of recognition was apparent in her eyes. Clearly she knew who both parties were. "Daily Prophet, how can I help?"

"We want you to print a story." said James Potter simply.

"Er…yes, well Mr Potter," she eyed how tightly clasped their hands were, "is it a gossip thing? Y'know," she raised her hand above her head, her fingers splayed and whooshed her hand through the air as though reading the words above her, "BAGNOLD LOSES WIFE TO QUIDDITCH SENSATION."

James coughed and Lily spluttered slightly, "Don't be ridiculous Miss-" James leant forward to read her nametag "Elliott. Lily is a friend of mine and we have come to talk of her and her fiancé's split up before he tells his lie ridden side of the tale."

Rebecca Elliott may have been only a receptionist slash sectary but she knew a juicy story when she heard one and this should definitely make it to tomorrow's front page, who knew there was trouble in the Bagnold/Evans paradise, both always seemed so happy and beautiful. "Well." she blustered, "I'll just, just go and organise it with the editor, take a seat please." The blonde stood and walked from the atrium into a lift, which three thoroughly disgruntled witches just fell out of, each glaring daggers at one another. James recognised them as the recently separated _Bat Girls_, Lily, well Lily, wouldn't have known who they were if they came and screamed in her eardrum, suffice to say Andrew hadn't liked modern music…said it poisoned the mind.

"It-it will be okay, won't it James?" she asked him meekly, her large jade eyes looking to his for reassurance she was doing what was right. He squeezed at the hand still enveloped in his grasp.

"Of course. We'll get you out of this mess he put you in, Lil. We'll get you right again…And we'll-" Lily didn't find out what else they'd do, as just then a round, red-faced man with a walrus moustache had just come through the lift doors, followed by a smirking Miss Elliott.

"Lily Bagnold?"

"Evans." she said firmly. "We were only engaged, Sir."

He smiled warmly. "Of course, of course…didn't mean to offend. So, what's this my receptionist tells me about a scoop on your relationship…has the good Mr Bagnold decided he would let us cover the wedding after all?"

Lily stared back stonily and did not reply. The man looked at where her and James' hands were connected, melting into one another, his eyes grazed Lily's appearance and saw she was dressed most differently as to how most pictures he had of her in the paper, from the past six months, had portrayed. Her top was tight-ish and short sleeved, bright green in colour and dotted with a few slogan badges, her jeans looked like the were the worst for wear and her shoes were a pair of bright yellow trainers.

"We…we are not to be married, Sir, I left him…and I came to tell my story."

He looked annoyed, "Oh, aye, and I suppose you want paying for it too do you."

"No. I just want my side of this story known before he allows his half truths to hit the world." Her eyes were glassy and her words seemed strained as though she were whispering them through a wall of tears that she was attempting to keep hidden from his view.

Sincerity beamed through the way she spoke and he nodded. "So, Miss Evans…want to take this upstairs. You and your…" he looked pointedly at James.

"Friend, Sir, James is a friend of mine, he-he helped me these past couple of days."

"Yes, you and your _friend _can be interviewed by Iris Driscoll; excellent reporter, if I do say so myself."

"Thank you, Sir." smiled James, reaching out to shake the portly man's hand, "it means a lot."

"No worries, Potter, just beat the Holy Heads next week for me, eh?" he laughed then signalled for them to follow Rebecca into the lift.

0x-

Iris Driscoll was a tall, spindly woman, with long ginger hair, pale skin and dark amber eyes, she smiled once Lily and James were seated opposites her in large, comfy leather chairs, her face lighting up. She wasn't what you could call pretty or even attractive but there was definitely something about the reporter that made your eyes wander to her face, perhaps it was the energy she shone out to others around her, making them instantly trust her. Lily supposed that was a good quality to have as a reporter -- you could pretend to like and gain the faith of those you didn't even like or were going to be betrayed by your story.

"Hello." her voice was coated with a thick Irish accent and it made Lily remember her Grandmother who spoken with the same tone, deep and lulling…soothing. So many times she'd wished to hear that voice as Andrew threw curse after curse at her…wanting more than ever to awake from the nightmare to be her grandmother's embrace, smelling the camomile on the elderly woman's hands and listening to her chiming voice.

"Hi." replied the redhead. James smiled in a welcoming way but did not speak, he would try to remain silent as he could, so that the reporter could not accuse him of being Lily's lover…not that he would have minded, but he hardly thought it would have been good on Lily's image, and story, if it was written she had been with another so soon after the break up.

"Now, Lily -- you don't mind me calling you Lily, do you, Hon? -- I'm Iris. And I'm gonna have the pleasure of writing this story for you." her smile was wide.

Lily nodded, her eyes glimmering with a few unshed tears, waiting for them to fall -- no matter how much she tried…she had loved the man once. Probably still did in some warped way…and this would be harder than she'd once thought…after all who'd expect that a man who beat you, raped you, verbally, mentally, emotionally and physically assaulted you, could leave you broken hearted after you'd walked away. She hated him and herself for not truly being able to hate him…hated he still had a hold over her, even when really, he had no right to do so.

"So, care to tell me the main reason you and Mr Bagnold are separated?"

Lily sucked in her breath loudly and replied, in a barely audible voice, "…he hurt me."

0x-

Things were not going well for Andrew Bagnold. He had spent the last two days holed up in his house, his empty, Lily-free house. The whore had left him for Potter, he knew it…he knew it. Obviously Miss Hestia Jones hadn't filed a complaint against him, stupid bitch shouldn't have gotten in the way - it was her own bloody fault. Just like his fucking _fiancée_ if she weren't such a tease and a flirt with other men he would have no cause to reprimand her as harshly as he did.

Besides, any other woman would have enjoyed having him above them, within them, around them. Stupid Lily. Didn't know how good she had things. Exiting the bathroom in his dark blue dressing gown, Andrew whistled quietly to himself and he walked down to the kitchen where a House Elf had prepared a large breakfast for him; bacon, eggs, sausages, kippers, toast and a English muffin. Next to his plate was a glass of Orange Juice which he downed at once, the bitter taste causing him to squint, he should have known not to drink something like that after brushing his teeth really. Cutting his rasher of bacon into quarters he carefully, with precision sliced the sausages into pieces of five, before stabbing the meat heartily and chewing hard.

He poured a cup of coffee and lifted the paper up from behind the salt shaker. Two seconds later the mug was smashed on the tiled kitchen floor, dark liquid spilling out onto the peachy-coloured porcelain. On the front of said paper was a picture of Lily, her long, dark red hair lolling about her shoulders, clad in jeans and a small tie-dye T-shirt and a picture of himself looking impeccable as always, in between them both an image of James Potter in his Quidditch gear, a zigzag line separating the picture of the Minister's Son from the two younger teenagers. Underneath he picture was the headline;

**EVANS AND BAGNOLD SPLIT: 'HE HURT ME.'**

'He hurt me' the first words to slip from Miss Evans' lips when questioned why she broke up with her year long boyfriend/fiancé, Minister for Magic's son, Mister Andrew Bagnold. Bagnold, has yet to go public with his side of the story, apparently the deluded soul was living in hope of reconciliation. Miss Lily Evans spoke out yesterday, while clutching the hand of one Quidditch sensation, James Potter - apparently the two were close during their time at Hogwarts; "James has helped me so much recently." smiles the pretty young redhead, looking at said Quidditch sensation.

Now, I know, many of you will be reading this and shaking your heads in disbelief, 'Did we not see the young couple smiling and in love in this very paper only a few days before?' I hear you mutter, well yes, my readers, I'd say you were correct you did indeed see pictures (shown on pages 3 and 4) of Lily and Andrew holding hands and smiling while entering the opening of a new restaurant. When questioned on this Lily Evans replied, "I suppose you get good at hiding tears, after all bruises are hidden with a few salves why should emotion be any harder to rid yourself of?'

Such words of pain and regret should not fall from the lips of one so young and beautiful. Miss Evans had been Head Girl in her last year at Hogwarts and had met the young master Bagnold at a party hosted by somebody of mutual acquaintance. "Oh he had me hook, line and sink." says Lily, regretfully, a few tears welling in her emerald eyes, "he smiled, he charmed and he wooed me. I must have been so simple for him; I feel like a prize idiot for allowing myself to get so caught up in the…_ambiance _of dating the Minister's son."

I ask about the hurt he put her through, "I suppose physical hurt is the most obvious. But not the worst. The emotional pain he put, is putting, me through is much, much worse. I would imagine you'd think the first beating would have been the worse; I could barely move and he picked me up and cleaned me off. Whispered things, telling me f how it was through my own doing. And you know what?" she swipes away tears angrily, "I effing believed him. The bastard. I stayed with him, and you know what it was the second beating that affected me most, I didn't ask for those boys to wolf whistle me, but they did and he broke my wrist and collar bone for it. After he'd promised me it would not happen again."

Why did she not just leave I know you wonder…"Of course I should have left, but I was afraid. He'd severed me from all my friends, I had no money, my parents are dead, in fact my only living relative is my sister, Petunia, and she'd probably laugh in my face if I'd asked her for help. In the end I controlled nothing, almost nothing, he picked my clothes, my makeup, my hairstyle, where I went, I was under constant surveillance, making sure I wasn't taking money out of our bank account and he watched my Apparation records…"

You wouldn't have known from the way these two were in public, but behind the façade Lily Evans suffered more than most of us can imagine; however the worst was yet to come for Miss Evans, who, when she tried to escape the clutches of her oppressive relationship, through the help of one Remus Lupin, was taken hostage by Andrew Bagnold and…- **continued on page 2, 3, 4 and 5.**

0x-

Minister Bagnold looked at his son with sympathy, "We'll get her back for this, my Son, mark my words, we'll get her back."

Andrew smirked as his Father picked up a quill and began writing two letters, one to the Daily Prophet and the other to the family lawyer. Oh yes, the bitch would pay…

0x-

**Author's Note: **I'm sorry. So, so, so sorry. It took forever, I know.

I just had no motivation for it…but it's back now and hopefully all back on track!

What do you think? It'd sucked? I know.

Well, reviews would be nice…when my Beta gets back to me I'll post the beta'd version…until then…

Adios!

Tasha x


	9. Stronger in the End

_---_

_Go on misuse me and abuse me  
I'll come out stronger in the end  
_

_---_

**SLANDER!**

The headline screamed at Lily from every direction. Reporters yelled questions or abuse at her, photographers eagerly clicked their cameras in her face, the flash blinding her. It had been a week since Andrew's retaliation article had been published and still she found herself the victim of paparazzi. Some full of sympathy for her, some obviously paid by Minister Bagnold to hurl threats at her and harass her to the point of tears, while others were simple out for their pound of flesh regardless of how intrusive they were.

Sirius and Remus suddenly appeared beside her and began to help the startled redhead through the sea of onlookers.

"Already moved on from Potter then Lily?" screeched a large obnoxious man, Sirius threw a punch his way, missed his face but succeeded in smashing his camera into five small pieces.

"Sirius! Side along apparation, _now!"_

Lily crumpled to the floor, dry sobs racking her petite form, her hands shook and her heart wrenched. It was too much, all too much. She'd only wanted a drink. . .only walked down to the shop near James' house. . . But someone had alerted the press and suddenly they were there. . .hounding her. . .screaming and cawing at her. . .she'd tried to apparate but lack of sleep and food and an abundance of fear seemed to have drained her powers.

Peter knelt beside the redhead his hand massaging her back gently, endeavouring to cease her hysterics, but Lily had slipped into blind panic again. According to James she awoke like this in the middle of the night.

"NO! I swear it's true!" she span ninety degrees so she was facing Peter, "Look. _Look!_" she ripped away her shirt to reveal to him bruises that were no longer there. "I promise you, I promise, I'm not lying. . .its not _slander_. . ."

Sirius and Remus started forward. "Please! You believe me, yeah? . . .Where's James! He'll tell you . . .He will. He'll tell you." finally the tears came, the draught of her hysteria had stopped and water now found itself seeped from her bloodshot, panicked, eyes and running down her ghostly pale cheeks. During the day Lily was generally fine, but at night . . .when the sunlight wasn't there to remind her she was free, she found herself caged in her old life once more. Trapped into her fears once more. And although Andrew was not there, his presence no longer beside her, he still shadowed her life.

Leading her into the bedroom, Sirius tucked her beneath the sheet while Remus tipped a little Dreamless Sleep Potion into her mouth. Within minutes the red haired woman was asleep. The two men shared a significant look. They hated seeing their Lily in such tatters, of course it was never going to be easy for her to recover, but no one had any idea it would be this hard. Apparently now she was out of the nightmare it haunted her all the more.

Peter entered the room with a warm, damp, cloth and wiped Lily's face gently with it, taking away the streaky tear stains. She moaned a little and rolled over, but did not wake. James had gone to see his family lawyer, it in his mind to get Lily some defence, as that morning an Owl had appeared with a letter claiming Andrew Bagnold was taking Lily to court for _slander_ she had, had published in the Daily Prophet. She was to be tried by the Wizengamot in two days.

0x-

Remus was in the kitchen, Sirius and Peter in the lounge and Lily in the bathroom when James arrived back from London. His cheeks pink from the wind and his eyes bright and glassy. The moment he entered his home he heard no buzz of conversation, the atmosphere was thick and sombre. The odd clanking of pans or knife on a chopping board drifted from the kitchen and he could hear the shower running accompanied by a low rumble of conversation the source of which turned out to be Sirius and Peter, talking in hushed tones about Lily.

They both silenced themselves when James walked into the room, he looked a them for a moment before joining them on the couch, "How has she been, today? I didn't want to leave her after that letter but. . .yeah. . .I needed to-"

"She, erm, well, she went out to get a drink from the shop. . .just some Pumpkin Juice or something. . .and well, someone tattled; the papers were round here quicker than you could say _Quidditch. . ."_

James could feel his fists curling and his lips pursing tighter as the two men retold the day's events, of how Lily had been too weak and afraid to perform magic, and of how she had gone into a panic attack. He was livid. So _fucking_ angry. He hated that bastard. That total shitty excuse for a Wizard. Andrew Bagnold was a coward.

"I'll bloody kill 'im! I swear I will. . . Who does he think he is? How can he dare say it's _slander_? UGH! Honest --"

"James." a small voice interrupted his rant before he got into a fully flowing rant.

"Lily." he stood and briskly walked towards the redhead who was wearing a pair of his boxers and an old shirt that too was his, he'd never thought she looked more beautiful. So delicate, so broken, so in pain. He just wanted to protect her. Wrapping his arm her shoulders he directed her towards the dining room, Sirius and Peter followed, by the smell of things Lupin had finished cooking and was dishing up the meal.

Once all were seated and had eaten their fill, this consisting of the boys emptying their plates and Lily pushing about a few peas. Food didn't seem to have much place in her life at that moment, it tasted of ash and simple rested uncomfortably in her stomach. Although she was relieved to be free of Andrew, she still panicked about his attacks, and now the trial was approaching a trial she was sure to lose because Andrew had the support of his Father; the _Minister for Magic_. And yet, underlining all these feelings her heart was broken, it had been breaking for months, for she had _loved_ that man at one point. She had been in love with him and trusted him implicitly. And even though all he did had hurt her, had stunted her, had inflicted pain emotionally and physically; she felt her heart splinter when she had finally left him.

Or perhaps it had broken once she realised no matter how may apologizes he uttered and how many times he told her it was her fault she was hit, all of it was false, and it was only now she was able to nurse to back together. After all, she could not have shown him he had imposed so many wounds to her, his sadistic streak would have revealed in it with a merciless bliss. So now she mourned for the loss of someone she had loved, as well as the many gaping lesions he had left in his wake.

"Lil, Mason - the lawyer - says, seeing as we healed most of the damage, Andrew'll probably have to take Veritaserum and answer questions in front of the Wizengamot, otherwise it's just him against you and that's not enough evidence for them to come up with a verdict, to be honest."

Lily nodded, not really digesting much of the information. "Will I have to give evidence in front of them about. . .what he did to me?"

"Yes." His tone was firm, "I'm not going to lie to you, Lils, it will be difficult and it will be a hard battle but remember, Dumbledore has just been made Head of the Wizengamot. That man will not just buckle under pressure because _his _Father is the Minister."

Lily nodded. Tears not quite fully formed in her eyes threatening to fall, but being held in by her lashes, it seemed. Like a dam stemming the flow.

0x-

It was three hours before the trial and Lily was already dressed and ready. A dark purple robe, not too fitted, not too loose. Her hair tied back slackly allowing a few crimson tendrils to lap at her cheeks. Her lips were painted a vibrant red and her eyes were outlined in a thin wisp of brown. She smelt of new fabric and make up, of cocoanut shampoo and mint toothpaste. Lily was sitting in James' back garden or his porch steps. Staring out at the newly risen sun. The morning smelt _fresh_ and untouched. Birds tweeted incessantly, the vague sounds of Hogsmeade Workers beginning their day of hard graft drifted across to Lily's ears, the various noises of houses waking up and coming alive once more.

So many people were getting ready for the day ahead of them; no apprehension, no fear, no panic. Nothing potentially life destroying in their foreseeable future. Lily sighed and held her head in her hands. Why had she ever left James? That had been the largest mistake she had ever made. . .at the time she hadn't thought It through. She had been young - and although it was only a year or so ago, Lily had aged so very much - and naïve. Thought that she wanted to explore different partners, when in her heart, she knew, she had been in the process of falling so deeply in love with him.

If, _if_, all of this finished and Lily came out of it victorious, she wondered if James would want her; after she had been used, now she was jaded. Would he really accept her? Could he love her? . . .she didn't envy the man who had the job of trying to love her after this escapade. But James Potter, she was sure, could handle it impeccably. As though he heard her very thoughts said Potter came padding out behind her and sat beside the broken looking redhead. She hadn't even noticed but a few silent, sorrowful tears, had leaked from the corners of her emerald eyes. He lifted his calloused, Quidditch Player's hand to her cheeks and wiped them with as much tenderness as he could. Merlin, he _adored_ her.

"Keep your powder dry, Lily." he smiled softly and entwined his hand with hers.

"I'm afraid, James."

"Don't be." he lifted her chin so that the watering green gaze held his hazel stare, "There's no need to be afraid anymore, Lil; I'm here."

0x-

The room was tall and intimidating, she thanked Merlin they had not decided to use the Old Court Rooms, with the chained chairs, that would possibly have been _far _too much. She was seated next to a portly man who looked good natured but she had been assured by James the man was a demon in the courtroom and would defend her to his last breath - hence the reason he was one of the Potter's most respected friends and employees. James, Sirius and Remus, along with Hestia Jones, her black hair in tight ringlets and hers eyes looking large and determined. Behind them sat Kingsley Shacklebolt and Peter Pettigrew.

On the other side of the room sat Andrew with his father and their lawyer, a tall, incredibly thin man, with a wiry grey moustache, he looked fierce and ruthless, his dark blue eyes cold as steel. Andrew's Mum was seated behind them looking withdrawn, she was a very slender woman and had the remnants of good looks, spoilt by grief over the years.

"The Wizengamot in in session. Case 4491. Lillian Evans and Andrew Bagnold -"

Lily shuddered, she never wanted to hear her names and his put together again. The rest of Dumbledore's words appeared a blur.

"Now, Mr Bagnold, are you stating that all Miss Evans said, and had printed in that interview, was false?"

"Yes, Sir." he replied politely, his face looking the picture of innocence, looking like the man Lily had fallen in love with all those months ago. But it was lies. _All lies! _

"I never hit her, Sir, as for _rape_?" he laughed, "Lillian liked _intimacy _between us to be rough; she was a right little tease and just loved it when I tied her down and --"

James had leapt up, and Dumbledore let out a rumbling tone, "_Enough_, Master Bagnold, and be seated James."

Lily could feel angry tears in her eyes, how dare he make a joke of it! How dare he? _The bastard. _That had been one of the most traumatic events to ever have occurred in her life, terrors, memoirs of it, plagued her in sleep and in the day if her mind was not kept busy, and there he was _laughing_, as if she had _asked _for it. Breathing harshly Lily turned her face away.

"As we have no clad iron evidence from either party, I'm afraid that Mr Bagnold you shall take Veritaserum to prove your story."

Andrew's lawyer stood, "Why, Dumbledore, should my client be the one to have to take the potion?"

"Because, Weevil, he is the one pressing the charges."

"Well, my client refuses, he doesn't believe it _fair _that he should have to take such a thing to prove his story, plus he knows many matters of the country, due to his Father's position, both feel it unwise for him to be put in a position where he could reveal confidential secrets of the Wizarding government."

"Oh, so the government admits it's crooked and has things to hide, does it?" uttered Remus, who had been against the Ministry and their unfair views on Werewolves since he'd known their policies.

The Wizengamot discussed briefly amongst themselves. "Very well. Miss Evans, do you consent to the undertaking of Veritaserum?"

Lily's eyes darted about the room anxiously. She wanted to prove Andrew wrong, wanted to see him shamed, but the thought of reliving it all. . .in the utmost detail. Then what if they asked her if she'd loved him? That was true. . .and what if they asked if she'd felt any pleasure with Andrew's ministrations. . .not that she could have called it pleasure as such, but she had almost had a orgasm while his tongues was. . .was. . ._there_. But it had disgusted her. . .it had inflicted shame and agony and embarrassment.

She felt weak for allowing to continue for so long; felt helpless . . Would they laugh at her behind their hands? Call her _Slut _and _Tease_ as Andrew had done? After all they weren't married but they had shared a bed - done nothing more than sleeping, mind you, until that night - and she'd lived in his house. . .

She felt James hand on her shoulder. "Lily," she felt his breath on her neck as he whispered to her, "_I'm here._" She smiled weakly, a few stray runs of tears on her cheeks, running onto her lips and she could taste the salt, a bitter, harsh reality. _I'm not afraid._

"Yes, Sir, I give my consent." Dumbledore smiled warmly at his ex-pupil. Poor Lily, she had always been such a clever, vivacious witch. . .she had not deserved this, not at all.

"We shall reconvene in fifteen minutes."

The Wizengamot began to disperse and Lily felt James stand behind her, shake Mr Weevil's hand, then take hers in his. "Come on, Lily." he ushered her out of the courtroom, Andrew in front of them, talking with his Father, both looking worried.

Once they were outside in the hallway James led her away from the gaggle of people. They both stood leaning against the wall. Neither having very much to say; neither needing to have very much to say. They both knew that what was about to happen and both knew this would save Lily's reputation and put Andrew away for, hopefully, an awfully long time.

Speak of the devil, and it appears, Andrew stood in front of the pair, his Father a few steps behind him, both surveying the two teens, indifferently. Though the sparkle of angst in their eyes betrayed an cool exterior they were attempting to project to the outside world.

"Lillian -- _Lily, _can I speak to you? _Privately?_"

"No." came the clipped response. "You may not speak to me, particularly not on my own." she refused to meet his eyes. She could not. . .all that flashed into her mind was the memory of him forcing her eyelids open and coercing her into looking into his eyes as he climaxed inside of her.

"Lillian." his voice had deepened, it was tainted with a gravely edge, as though someone had tried to cut card with blunt scissors. "I understand you were upset after our. . .break up, but, believe me -" he reached his hand out to touch her cheek, she shied away but he pushed further, his digits made contact with her soft, pale, flesh. He rubbed her skin a little harder than necessary with his thumb, "- we love each other Lily, don't do this. . . Don't air all our problems. . .in there. I've changed, I swear to Godric, I have. I, I was. . ._stupid_ to have done what I did to you" the words sound alien and unbelievable spilling from his lips. " I just love you so much. . .I had wanted to show you for so long how much you meant to me. . .and you - you just kept resisting."

Lily grimaced at the words, her eyes swarming, for what felt the thousandth time, in tears, "In a way it's, well, it's a compliment, Lillian, you invoke such passion in me. . ."

Lily pushed his hand away and brusquely wiped the sorrowful water in her eyes. A small woman amplified her voice to tell all the members of the case to rejoin in the Court Room. Lily pushed past Andrew, James right behind her.

Andrew, however blocked her in the doorway, one of his arms in front of her chest, his hand clinging to the opposite door frame, blockading the entrance to the court room, James' face contorted in anger, "Oi you, _bast--_"

Andrew glared at him, "Language, _Potter_."

"Lillian," he pleaded, "don't _do this. _Have you no respect for our privacy. . .for me? Where has your respect for me gone?"

Anger surged through the redhead's veins, a passionate violence she didn't know she still possessed, she raised her knee swiftly and felt it make hard contact with Minister's Son's groin. He gasped and moved his hand from the door frame. Lily took a step through and turned to face him, " I never had respect for you, Andrew, I had fear and black eyes."

She strode through the hall and took the seat she had occupied fifteen minutes earlier, everyone in the room wearing masks of shock, or, in Andrew and his Father's case, a deep contempt.

"Dumbledore!" screeched the Minister for Magic, "Did you see that _blatant attack _on my son?"

Dumbledore smiled pleasantly down at the Minister, "Oh, I'm sorry, but the Wizengamot and I were suddenly captivated by these greying roof tiles - we saw nothing." The many Witches and Wizards around him swallowed their stunned expressions and nodded, making murmurs of agreement. "Now, Miss Evans, do stand up and take that, particularly comfy looking chintz, chair in the centre of the room, and we can administer you some Veritaserum."

Lily stood shakily. Her beautiful face looking determined and strong as she sat herself in the ruby red chair. A blonde woman with a small, upturned, nose poured a few drops in the redheads mouth.

"Testing," her voice echoed around the room, "What is your full name?"

"Lillian Marie Evans." replied the teen in a monotonous voice.

"What is your Home Address?"

"98, Periwinkle Close, Hogsmeade."

Andrew nearly choked; _Potter's House._ James, however, smirked in satisfaction.

"How many times has Andrew Bagnold hurt you physically?"

"I've lost count." came the reply, Lily's eyes looked large and sad, as though she didn't want to reveal this to the world but had no choice.

"More than. . .twenty times?"

"Yes."

"Why did you remain with him?"

"I had no where else to go, no one to turn to; my self-esteem was low, rock bottom, he told me I was ugly and worthless. That I was stupid and unable to cope without him."

0x-

The entire questioning Andrew had been sweating, becoming so anxious, his guilty hands ringing themselves up, his nails cutting half moons into his palms, his face looked angry and determined. How he _loathed_ the bitch. How fucking dare she? The ungrateful little twat. She would be a better Witch because of him. Stupid Mudblood - she should never have got involved with him if she expected to be able to act like a little harlot. He taught her values. Like his Father had taught him. Had taught his Mother another woman who would have been a whore if not for the guidance of a man. And this was how Lily felt it right to repay him?

0x-

"The Wizengamot find Lillian Evans. . ._Not Guilty_, on the charges of Slander made by Andrew Bagnold."

Lily's side for the room cheered.

"The Wizengamot is sentencing Andrew Bagnold to fifteen years in Azkaban, for Abuse, Rape and Threatening Behaviour towards Lillian Evans." Dumbledore rapped his hammer against the wood, "He can appeal to his case in six months."

Lily felt elated. She had won. She _beat _him.

0x-

That evening, after a large meal, and a good amount of _The Three Broomsticks _Butterbeer, Lily found herself feeling sleepy, her back aching slightly. She stood in the spare room and began to change. Her white knickers had been stained a dark crimson. And far from looking worried or upset the redhead began to cry tears of joy. She found her long legs buckling beneath her. Knelt on the floor she laughed quietly to herself, tears falling in happiness and relief.

_Finally._ Her period had arrived; another worry had been exorcised from her heart; she was not impregnated with that _thing's_ child. She couldn't have handled carrying his baby, she couldn't have had a tie to him.

That night Lily slept fitfully. Today had been good. She wasn't deluded enough to believe that every night would be quite as peaceful or that She had gotten over her ordeal. But she was beginning the right road to recovery, with James by her side she was sure she would learn to be herself once more and love life again.

0x-

**Author's Note: **OMG. I'm so sorry guys.

I hadn't even realised it had been a year since my last update!

It didn't seem that long. What with crazy exams and stuff.

Gulistanlik told me. Erk.

But here we go.

The next chapter will be the last.

What did you think to this?

I got Lily to knee him in the balls, mainly cause that's how I imagine her to be before Andrew, not afraid to give a guy a good kick where it hurts and I wanted to show that she's starting to be who she really is again.

That and a lot of you request Lily show him what was coming to him!

The final chapter will have a lot more James/Lily interaction.

However remember this fic is Angst before it is Romance. : )

Oh and I wondered if any of you noticed I never really described Andrew.

Like ever, in this fan fiction.

That was because everyone has a demon in their life, like Andrew, or at least they have a picture in their mind about what someone like that looks like.

So, I'd love to know how most of you pictured him. -smile-

Please review.

And I will try mega hard to update ASAP.

Tasha x


	10. And She Will Be Loved

_---_

_Please don't try so hard to say goodbye_

_---_

It was six months to the day since Lily had watched as Andrew Bagnold, her abuser, was sent to jail. Three months later he appealed and had been rejected. Minister Bagnold no longer had power, the very shame his son induced upon the his name was enough to allow for him to step down and award the power to his sister, making her the first female Minister for Magic. She, unlike her brother, had a fair and open way of thinking. . .she was a fresh of breath air from the fake, publicity-monger that was her kin.

Lots of things had changed in the young redhead's life, many large factors had been altered; she now attended Auror classes along with James, who had put down his Professional Broom and decided that with the Darker powers on the increase, he'd be better suited to helping fight them. She now lived in her own modest apartment in Diagon Alley, was in the midst of a fragile, yet completely consuming, relationship with James, who neither pushed nor prodded her further than she wanted to go, in any respects. She also had rekindled friendships with Hestia Jones, Kingsley Shacklebolt and many others from her Hogwarts days.

However it was the little things that she revelled in; she woke never aching from being thrown across the room, she didn't flinch if she creaked a floorboard in the hall, no longer feared to sing out loud, could use her own wand and was able to wear whatever she liked. All things she had taken for granted before her train wreck of a relationship with Andrew, all things she'd never abuse again. She felt lucky to be living. Lucky to be where she was, and yes, at night the terrors did sometimes return, and sometimes lapses did occur but James soothed her in these low points, he was helping to heal her; but most importantly, she was trying to heal herself, and for the first time in a long while felt she had an inner fire, that no longer flicked and melted to embers, but a roaring flame that would never be dowsed again.

But, that night happened to be one of her lowest points she had suffered since the trial, and it so happened James was away that night, in his own apartment, in his own bed, his head resting on a pillow that wasn't beside her face. Her face that was pale and almost luminous in the darkened room, beads of sweat streaking her forehead and diamond-like tears clung to her lashes, highlighted in the muted moon's glow. Suddenly she could taste him in her mouth, smell him on sheets, feel his burn, see his eyes piercing her with there gaze, hear his heavy breathing as he rammed himself into her. Suddenly her wrists began to burn and the sensation of rope being there and chafing her skin was almost real, she pulled her arms out from there place under the quilting, where they'd be knotted together; she stretched her fingers in the air in front of her, put her arms up from the bed so they were sticking up in the air and waved them about.

There was nothing there binding her wrists together. No angry welts of where her flesh had been protesting against such hard friction. Suddenly sitting bolt upright she yanked her large shirt over head her hand ran over her neck, her collar bones, her chest, her stomach, her ribs, searching for cuts and abrasions that hadn't been there for months. That hadn't been there since James and Remus had healed them for her. That nightmare had been so real. She was sure she could feel the chocking sensation, the strangulation, the possession he had over her. And yet. . .it was just trickery of the mind. She wondered if he knew of the grief he'd cause her. . .wondered if he knew how much he had broken her? Wondered if he knew that no matter how tightly she sewed up all the tears he had ripped into her soul that the stitches would remain there forever?

Her breathing returned to normal but a dull ache still thumped from her core through her entire body, the sharp pain she'd felt as he'd snapped her barrier of innocence. The violation of her body harsh and unforgiving as it had been was nothing compared to this constant hold he seemed to have over her mind. He was like a twisted puppeteer and her memories, thoughts and feelings, his marionette. _Dance, my Darling, Dance_ she remembered him screaming at her manically as he fire stinging hexes towards her, if she had not been in the terrifying situation she'd have thought someone had been simply watching too many westerns, like ones she'd watched on her Dad's TV every Sunday afternoon. But Andrew had never seen a Muggle movie, never seen a John Wayne classic in order to inspire him, it was all from his spiralling vortex of sadism.

Gulping a large amount of oxygen Lily pushed back the covers and stepped out of the bed, the cool floorboards soothing beneath her bare feet. She was now dressed in only a pair of James' boxers, the flesh of her torso goose pimpled as the cold finally registered on her alabaster skin. She looked exotic and venerable and totally stunning; her face slick with salty waters, her hair ruffled, the green of her eyes more noticeable than ever against the redness of their bloodshot state, her lithe body moving with grace towards the kitchen, the muscles flexing with ever step she took. She was like a panther; powerful, beautiful and savage.

Taking a glass out of the cupboard she filled it with pure orange from the fridge and as she was replacing the glass bottle filled with orange liquid her gaze was hooked onto a slice of pecan pie that was left over from a couple of days before. Taking it out, she grabbed a fork, picked up her drink and sat in the middle of her living room floor. She loved this. It was her space. Her floor. Her pie. Her glass. Her plate. All hers. She didn't have to ask permission or give essay-length explanations as to why she'd sooner sit on the ground than use a chair at the table as she ate.

The sticky, sugary food seemed to warm her, lift her spirits slightly. This was real. This was now. Not the nightmare. That was the past. That was not worth dwelling on -- she'd already lived through it once, and it was not something that needed repetition. She would not let him won. She'd won the battles so far. And she was determined to win the war. Oh yes, she would be victorious.

0x-

When James apparated into his girlfriend's flat that morning he found her not wrapped up in her ivory coloured quilts, as he had expected, but sprawled across her living room carpet; half a cup of orange juice and an empty plate beside her. Her fiery coloured hair extended about her face, her torso naked and clothed in only a pair of boxers, that, he noted with pride, belonged to him. She looked adorably beautiful. Innocently provocative. Or was it simply her innocence and her lack of knowing her sex appeal that did make her so very provocative and inviting? He didn't know. But he did know she was his. . .no not _his_, she owned herself and allowed him to relish her company, her ambience, her life, her problem, her faults and her perfections.

"Lily. . .Lil-_eee_" he cooed at her softly from his place where he stood, nonchalantly leaning against the sofa she'd bought from a second hand Muggle shop and transfigured up a bit. Well a lot; it had been patchy and brown and sagging and was now a bright rouge made from leather which was taut and shiny and glamorous. At the sound of his voice she twitched a bit but did not awake.

"Evans wake up!"

"Um? . . .James!" she smiled gleefully from her place on the floor. Stretching up and scratching her head thoughtfully.

"Can I ask why you're half naked on your floor, Lily-bean?"

"I 'spose."

Her chuckled, "so, why, my dear, are you half naked on your floor?"

"Had a nightmare. Got too hot. Needed drink and food. Fell asleep here."

He nodded with understanding, as though it were something people did regularly. He loved how confident she was in her body again, how she hadn't scrambled to her feet and tried to preserve her modesty. He hadn't slept with her, she wasn't ready for that he didn't think. She'd let him know when she was and he would be gentle and loving with her. But she had no problem swanking about the place naked nowadays, or at least half naked, it would appear. Five months ago she yelped and burnt with embarrassment as James had walked in on her changing. But now she appeared to be regaining confidence in her appearance once more. Or perhaps she was merely too tired to cover up.

"Chuck us that shirt, Doll, it's nippy as Hell."

Grinning he threw a shirt which had been hanging over the back of her sofa, it was a large one of his. . .did this woman make it her life's goal to pilfer from him every garment he owned?

She stood and walked towards her partner, wrapping her arms around his neck and weaving her fingers into his hair. He kissed her lips softly, they tasted still of cinnamon and brown caramelised sugar from whatever she'd been eating, her eyes were sparkling beneath tired, hooded eyes and he noticed the rims of her orbs were stained red and suddenly his mind caught up with what she had said. Taking both her arms from around her neck he held her by her elbows at arms length away from him, so he could look at her face properly.

"You had a nightmare, you say?"

Lily sighed.

"Why didn't you floo me, or apparate over?"

"Look, James, I need to deal with it sometimes alone; you're a great crutch when I get like I did last night, and I appreciate it, but I went through it alone - no don't get that look, you shouldn't feel guilty because of what I went through - I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but I will state the truth; I went through it alone and it broke me, now have the help of you and my friends around it won't break me again, but I do need to sometimes confront my own fears; I will not be a slave to his hold over me anymore. And if I always have to run to someone each time he invades my thoughts it means he's handicapping my even now! Can't even sleep the night alone because of him? I think not.

Besides, last night was good for me. I calmed myself down, walked away from the fear, separated myself from the terror, and came out of it fine. And I'm not feeling like I'm going to have a bad day again, like I normally do after having those visions, in fact I feel stronger than I have done in such a long time. I do, indeed love you James, so very much, in fact I find myself very much so _in _love with you once more - though I don't think I really stopped, per se. . .my heart and my wits just got misplaced for a while."

James smiled sadly at her, "Love you too, Lily-bird."

He knew what she was saying was correct, but he hated that she'd spent a year in Hell and he'd known nothing about it, Merlin, he'd even raged about her during that time, screaming to his walls of how she left him, broke him so he'd never love another, and cursed at how very happy she was with her new, perfect little rich boy. But now he felt a little powerless, she was right, sometimes fear must be faced alone or you'll never overcome it. . .but it didn't mean he had to like it.

"I'm just gonna go get ready, Hon, make us a cuppa, yeah?" she grinned and lightly kissed him on the cheek as she wandered back to her bedroom.

"Oi, Da Vinci! Don't forget we're decorating my bedroom today." yelled the dark haired male from his position in front of the stove, where he was attempting to balance a large steel pot in order to boil some water.

"Aye." came the muffled response.

Ten minutes later the redhead emerged, denim drainpipes in place, he was sure they were Muggle fashion from about twenty years back, and a black strappy top that was already littered with paint smudges, she'd worn the same haggard outfit while decorating her own accommodation and still managed to make all other beauty turn pale and unimportant to James. Her face sported no make up just a slick of peach scented lip balm and her hair had only been brushed once and knotted with a quill at the nape of her neck. She smelt of cherries, peach, passion fruit, and something that was simply _Lily_.

0x-

Lily stretched backwards, arching her spine and she felt her back crack. It was a satisfying sort of sound along with the feeling it bought. She had been painting the room for three hours, drank two cups of coffee, and sang loudly over the wire less, most of the time lyrics that were all wrong, but insisting her version was much better, - saying that _"my lust bought me a tart" _was much better than _"I must have bought me a heart"_ . . .James was inclined to agree, simply because he was ever so slightly enamoured with the redhead that was currently slopping red and cream paint on his walls.

"You've got paint all over you arms." smirked James, as the two stood in the middle of his room, where his bed would have been situated had he not shrunk all his furniture and carried out of the room in order to decorate, he attempted to scrub a mark from her arm, however was quite unsuccessful as the it would appear the paint had seen fit to dry and be stubborn.

"You're supposed to be admiring how wonderful your walls look not pick at my arms!"

"I think you got more paint on you than you did the walls, to be honest" he stuck his tongue out at the shorter redhead.

"Yeah, well, true _artistes_ cannot limit there work to one canvas!"

"Sure, whatever you say, Lily-Beans."

She growled, raised her hand which luckily still clutched her paint brush and painted a stripe right down the side of James' cheek. "See. . .my art must spread."

"Oh aye?" he responded calmly, before promptly tackling her to the ground.

His legs were either side of her torso, pinning her in place with his knees either side of the red head, reaching over to his left, his hand enclosed around he paint brush with red colouring on it and splodged to great red dots on her cheeks - "bit of blusher!" was his explanation. Role reversal was suddenly taken and James - to much protesting though not an awful amount - found himself stuck underneath his girlfriend who was currently decorating his shirt with swirling designs, cackling as she did so. Pushing her off he flicked his paintbrush at her, splattering her face and arms with speckles of red.

She let out a squeal of mirth.

"Loser!"

"Oh, Miss Lily, I'm just being _artistic!_"

"Some just don't have what it takes!" she quipped back, leaning against the bedroom door, the only dry surface, apart from the floor and ceiling, in the enclosure.

"Oh really?" his voice seemed to have dropped to a baritone level, gravelley and hoarse, Lily's skin flaring to life, wanting him to touch her desperately. Needing to feel his breath caress her flesh, to lull her lips into a dance of want, need and love. His hand landed either side of her shoulders, the door closed completely and the two fell back a couple of inches; the jolt was enough to push James forward and his mouth advanced upon hers. Lily's soft pink lips were malleable and at the mercy of James'. He had the ability to make her forget everything in the world around her; every bad experience and every scar seemed unimportant and a lifetime away when he kissed her.

Still connected in a slow, sensual lock at the lips, Lily took his hand and slowly edged him back to the middle of the room, where James' bed usually lay, and pushed him to gently to the ground, toppling over with him; James' eyes widened for a second then he relaxed in to the kiss once more, Lily Evans he had known before Andrew was returning, the Lily who wasn't afraid to take control of him in these situations. She moved her jean clad thighs so that they were either side of his groin and straddled him, at this point she also broke the kiss and sat upright, perpendicular to the black haired male.

"James, make love to me." it wasn't a question. Her voice was strong, direct and teaming with passion and lust. He didn't need to question whether she was sure, but he knew one thing for certain, this was going to be gentle and loving, he didn't want to harm her further, or trigger old memories. But Lily seemed to be taking the imitative. Pulling off her black t-shirt, she revealed her gold coloured bra, that appeared to be made of satin and iced with a thin streak of golden beige lace; her adept fingers slipped around the back of her torso and a second later her chest was revealed to the room, and of course, to James.

Gently his hand traced the lines of her abdomen, the fullness of her breast, the erection of her rose bud tinted nipples. Her skin was so very pale, so creamy and soft. She smelt wonderful and womanly, fruity and heady and somewhere in the back of his mind, he supposed he registered the paint fumes lingering, but that didn't matter, nothing did except that Lily was here and wanting him. She stood, taking the pressure off of his groin, where he had been struggling to control himself anyway, and she peeled off her drainpipes, then saw to it that her maroon coloured pants were also slid down her shapely legs.

She stood naked and wanton before him, and it really was more than he could take. A swish of his wand and the paint cloths, pots and brushes around him magically changed into large, white cushions that were soft and littering the ground, no candlelight burned in the house, only the dying embers of the sun, which was streaking in through the window, the orange, red and pink staining the newly painted cream walls and presenting Lily with an almost tribal air to her, a fiery goddess that was giving herself to a mortal, a sacrifice was all he was now; but James had a feeling that the burn would be a good one.

0x-

Both knelt before each other, both naked, both silhouetted against the magnificent sunset. Lily's red hair seemed to form a glowing halo, of sorts, framing her beautiful face, her large green eyes wide with curiosity, need and love. James reached out his hand and placed at the top of her forehead, with a gentle pressure he slid it down her body; over her nose, tracing the pout of her lips, down onto her neck, the gentle bump of collar bones, the valley between her bosom, the soft skin of her stomach, the red curls of her sex and finally down her let thigh.

"Merlin, you are so beautiful."

And so it commenced.

Gentle and loving, James' soft touches everywhere feather light and cool, like a breeze when there had been too much heat; like a calm after a storm, like exquisite pleasure of making love after _burning, sadistic rape_. James after Andrew. Good that had conquered the bad. Morning after the night. His touch was not cold, but it was soothing and cooling. Summer rain and the feeling of burying your feet in the hot sand, once you get past the crumbly, too hot crust, you delve into the damp substance and it's like a retreat, an action that cause a soft sigh of content.

Lily was gently laid down and James crawled above her. Her beautiful locks clashed marvellously with the white of the many just-conjured pillows, tendrils of red fanning out along the floor. James positions himself at her entrance, waiting for her to stop him, waiting for her to tell him she wasn't quite ready, but instead e met a defiant emerald gaze, "you won't break me, James, I promise." and thinking how strange it was to hear Lily, who although she technically wasn't, was still as good as a virgin, reassuring him that he would cause no pain to her; surely it should have been vice versa.

And slowly, agonizingly, both became one. Connected in a way that only lovers find, joined in a ceremony that needed nothing but themselves to conduct. It sent shivers up Lily's spine, goose bumps littered her arms and legs. The rhythm was deliberate, leisurely and constant. Lily's moans and mewls were like a sweet song to his ears, and caused him to dance to the beat she was setting. A little faster, a little deeper, a little more pressure. All the time her fingers tracing his every outline, her digits, seemed to making a recollection of were his every bump and angle lay.

It was pure and it was beauty. No carnal lust would been slaked tonight, this was all about Lily and James; a man and a woman in love, a woman who was healing herself, a man assisting her, a woman so perfect, a man so perfect for her; both meaning more to the world than they would probably ever know, both with a destiny greater than either wanted or thought of.

The tension had been building in her stomach, in her head, in her core. Eventually they moving in a rhythm that was strong and hard, but not hard enough so that it could cause uncomfortable pain, her shrieks and calls, became louder, more frivolous, his breathing more laboured, short pants, his grunts, his worship of her name. His appreciation of her.

And in one sudden motion the climax came, both riding it out until all waves of pleasure had subsided. James lay now beside Lily, watching her face; it was calm, and yet alive more so than he'd ever seen it, her eyes contained excitement, and wonder and lust, her body was covered in a film of sweat and she smelt of him, the air around them smelling sex.

His fingers laced with her red hair and he twisted it around his long digits, knowing it soothed her.

Silence rang for an age, neither spoke, neither needed to. Lily took the potion, so no talk of their lack of contraception took place, no fear of Lily becoming impregnated, which at this time in their life, neither wanted.

"James?"

"Yeah. . .?" did she regret it? Was she mad that she let him go so far and he never stopped it? Her voice was so careful, so meticulous as she had sounded out his name.

"Will you marry me?"

He lay there stunned. His hazel eyes wide and staring at the ceiling. _Had she really just asked that? Maybe it meant generally would he ever marry her. .maybe she wasn't proposing. . .but, maybe she was. . .and if so he's actually the luckiest bastard alive right now. . ._

"Will _you _marry me though, Lily?"

"Hey!" her voice went childish and petulant, "I asked first." she was sitting up now, leaning on her hand for support.

He grinned. "Oh, go on then"

She smiled, then her smile became a giggle and she found herself lying beside James once more, grinning so widely she was sure it was going to break her face in two.

0x-

Hours later, Lily still lay awake next to her fiancé, listening to her soft breathing and the steady beat of his heart, he'd been asleep for a while now, but the redhead simply could not fall into a slumber; she was in a haze of drowsiness, so many thoughts rushing through her mind, so many feelings from the day being recaptured by her and held onto.

James was perfect for, and to, her. She traced little designs on his skin, wrote words none would ever see with her finger on his arm, wrote her promises to him, and forever they would burn there, unknown, unseen and all so very truthful and heartfelt. Most other men, she knew, may have given up on her, but then, most women would have given up and stayed with Andrew too; she was strong, and she knew it, she was clever, and a beautiful and worth everything in the world to at least one person. Everything that monster had told had been shit, all of it. She was the victim but Andrew had really been her slave all along, she just hadn't realised it. Without the fear he was nothing. He was like a Boggart, with nothing to feed on there was nothing he could do to frighten her.

Memories came and went, feelings appeared but dispersed as soon as she took control, or when James was there to fight away demons. Said man mumbled in his sleep, curling his arm around her slender waist and pulled her into his warmth, his embrace. He was good at that, it seemed, bring Lily back to where she needed to be. And no, of course their relationship wasn't about to be perfect, she wasn't foolish or naive enough to think that their partnership could go along without hitches, after all Lily still had problems, James still had faults, both were still human.

Andrew had near broken her, at the time she, and he probably too, thought he had succeed in shattering her but all they had been were wounds, deep and painful, and she knew the wounds would heal, however she also knew the scars would never fade. But scars aren't always bad, Dumbledore told her that when she had received a scar during her Hogwarts time on her leg, that he would not remove it for her even if he could, after all scars can be quite important. . .

James awoke, his eyes still very heavy with sleep, leaning towards her, he kissed her forehead, his lips warm and soft, and then snuggled her closer still; it was then that Lily realised she had never felt more safe, more beautiful and, in James' embrace, more loved.

_---_

_And she will be loved  
She will be loved  
_

_---_

**Author's Note: **Well. That's that.

All done and dusted.

Bizarre feeling, coming to the end of a fic.

But I am going to do a four part sequel to this, called **Rooftops & Invitations**, all chapters inspired by a favourite group of mine, Dashboard Confessional.

Smile.

I love the reactions this invoked from so many of you, and if you've been a silent reader, please leave a review for the final chapter, I'd love to know actually who of you were reading and what you thought to it and ect ect.

It was honestly so lovely reading all the wonderful things you people wrote about my work.

My writing style has vastly improved too, and my confidence grown also.

So, thank you for coming on this journey with me, and look out for **Rooftops & Invitations **

I will post the beta'd version of the chapter when it is given to me.

Loves to you all,

Tasha x


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